Mark Andrews: Cuddly alligators, stoned sheep, and the curious case of Laurence Fox
Shame on Citizens Bank Park, home of the Philadelphia Phillies baseball team. Security staff turned Joie Henney away from a game because he brought his 'assistance animal' with him.
The stadium's website states that it welcomes guide dogs and other service animals, but staff took exception to Joie's pet Wally on the grounds that he was an alligator rather than a labrador.
There aren't half some narrow-minded folk about.
Joie says 5ft Wally, who is registered by his GP as an "emotional support animal", has never bitten anyone, and loves to give hugs. Which is pretty much what every XL Bully owner says.
* * *
Wally actually does look pretty docile, and there is some rather sweet footage of young children playing with him in a swimming pool.
The trouble is, just like the best-trained XL Bully, everyone has an off-day. The one day Wally decides he doesn't want cuddles, but would rather rip someone's head off.
And it will only take one day.
* * *
The other thing is that Wally is seven years old, and is expected to live for another 70 years. Which is kinda problematic given that Joie is 68.
Wouldn't you like to be a fly on the wall in 20 years' time, when Joie's family are desperately ringing around trying to find a care home?
* * *
Continuing the animal theme, a herd of sheep in central Greece have been 'acting strangely' after munching their way through a tenth of a ton of medicinal cannabis that was being grown in a nearby greenhouse.
It's the sheepdog I feel sorry for. Sheep are not the brightest at the best of times. Imagine having to round them up when they're off their faces on dope.
* * *
Barry and Mary Ford have swapped the sunshine of Florida for the drizzle of Scotland, after taking over the world's oldest post office in Sanquhar.
Let's wish them well. And hope they don't end up in jail when the computer plays up.
* * *
Laurence Fox. I don't understand.
Firstly, how did the bloke who once played the sidekick to a sidekick in a rather tired detective series, become the alternative voice of modern Britain?
And how has he gone from sounding quite reasonable when he appeared on Question Time, to the barking mad conspiracy theorist he is now? And become more popular for it?
Strangest of all, having been given a platform to project your crackpot conspiracies, why would you instead use it to make crude comments about the sex appeal of your opponent?
Particularly when the said opponent has some pretty daft ideas herself. But is frankly easier on the eye than Mr Fox.
Comment Guidelines
Iconic Media encourages reader discussion on our stories. User feedback, insights and back-and-forth exchanges add a rich layer of context to reporting. Please review our Community Guidelines before commenting.