Mark Andrews: Boris's incredible fertility, Biden's Trump card, and why you can't expect headteachers to pick up truants
All best wishes to Boris Johnson on becoming a father for the eighth – or is it the ninth? – time at the age of 59.
Are there no limits to that man's fertility? It seems you only have to shake hands with him and you're in the club.
Perhaps I should count myself lucky. I've met him four times, and I don't think I'm preggers. Yet.
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Remember the furore about how Donald Trump momentarily stepped in front of the Queen, before quickly correcting himself, during an inspection of the guards in 2019? I only mention it because during Joe Biden's fleeting visit to the UK this week, he managed to not only step in front of the King, but completely obscure him from view as he shuffled about with a confused expression on his face.
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Not that I am advocating a return of The Donald by any means. Frankly, if the Republicans are stupid enough to select the only man toxic enough to lose to the astonishingly inept Biden in next year's election, they deserve all they get.
Yet, it looks almost certain that will happen. According to the bookies, Trump has a 60-70 per cent likelihood of being the Republican nominee. By contrast, Mike Pence, who always struck me as the grown-up in the room during Trump's volatile tenure, is a 40-1 outsider.
I find this slightly scary. With the war in Ukraine showing no sign of finishing soon, and the increasingly sinister Chinese regime posing potentially the biggest threat to civilisation since the Second World War, it is vital the free world demonstrates strong, confident leadership.
Instead, voters in the world's most important democracy will be asked to choose between a man who is unfit to be president, and one who is incapable of it.
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Education Secretary Gillian Keegan has called for headteachers to pick up truanting youngsters and drive them back to school.
It's a nice idea, but how would that work in practice? Headteacher gets a call about Gripper Stebson glue-sniffing on the steps of the Shameless Shopping Precinct, so he goes to pick him up.
Bob the Yob is collecting his Giro when he spots the commotion, and shouts: "Oi, some nonce is snatching that kid." Before you know it half the Shameless Estate is pelting Mr Chips with rocks.
And then in the evening Gripper's mum goes on the regional news demanding compensation for the harm to her son's mental health.
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