Comment: 'Countryside Clobberer' Kier Starmer's inheritence tax plan means hard working people with pay the price for the public purse

Dance to the drumbeat of Rural Reeves and the rhythms of Wes Sheeping and David Lamb-y who are spearheading a revolution which will break the iron grip of a clique of capitalist farmers who are selfishly hanging on to vast tracts of land which are needed for housing, wind "farms", solar "farms", and electricity pylons.

This collectivisation of agriculture will mean a redistribution of wealth which will leave  the UK with an egalitarian food-producing landscape of smallholdings and allotments in the proud hands of hardworking amateurs striving to meet our needs.

Anything that they can't produce on their small plots can be imported from our friends and partners in the EU, who are always willing to help Britain, ensuring food security for the future.

As you will have seen on television, farmers have been complaining about the new inheritance tax regime which will hit those with assets over £1 million. But they have got it all wrong. Hardly any of them will be affected and, those that will be, deserve to pay their fair share towards inflation-busting pay rises for union members.

Sir Keir Starmer, and that's not rhyming slang, may be the son of a toolmaker but he has visited the countryside on a number of occasions, so when he basically says it's all a fuss about nothing, and that the BBC agrees with him, the farmers should be reassured, rather than angry. After all, BBC Verify's research on the impact of the change on farming included input from an independent expert from the Labour Party.

What do farmers know about their lives and livelihoods anyway? In any event, Labour promised in its manifesto that the burden of paying for this and that should not fall on the shoulders of hardworking people - and we all know that farmers are prepared to get up at all hours to dodge hard work.

Time for a word from our sponsors.

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In today's unpredictable world you never know when unhealthy airs and greenhouse gases from flatulent livestock will waft in from remote places beyond the M25. So give the wellington boot to irritating things which get in your hair. The good news is that solving such matters is all within Budget. Come to think of it, is there not a "green" argument for taxing cows? (Sorry, hope Rachel isn't reading - it might give her ideas.)

Back to inheritance tax. So, some farmers will have to pay up. Easy peasy. Hold an inheritance tax flash sale. In other words, sell some land and make the farm less asset-rich. There are housing developers and councils which must be just crying out for a chance to buy green fields to build on. If land is being flogged off by farmers desperate to meet tax bills, it will be an unmissable opportunity. 

Inheritance tax on farms is a win-win. It raises a bit of money for the public purse, albeit admittedly not all that much, and its side effect of urbanising the countryside will help meet Labour's housing target of 1.5 million new homes. 

And lastly, a message of hope for shivering pensioners who have had their winter fuel payment taken away. If they can survive the Arctic blast and last until spring they will get a triple lock increase in their pension.