A new, simple state pension? Dream on

IF you believe everything you read, you may think that a couple of years from now the Government is to launch a new, simple state pension of about £150 a week for everyone. Think again. And ask yourself this: with the obvious exception of politicians, has anything simple ever come out of Whitehall ?

OF COURSE not. The Civil Service does not do simple. It creates magnificent careers and builds mighty empires on complexity. Consider these two statements from the Government's own website: 1) The full new State Pension will be no less than £148.40 per week. 2) The amount you get can be higher or lower depending on your National Insurance record. So in others words, you will definitely get £148.40 but, er, you might not. It all depends on private pension funds being contracted out, or in, and other bewildering stuff. Far from being simple, the New State Pension is so damn complicated that they have set up a special phone-back service to give people a pension forecast. You ring them with your details and they call back a week later with the good (or bad) news. Except that they may not. My phone-back appointment was fixed between 8-10am one morning this week. With nine minutes to go, at 9.51am a lady rang to say sorry, but the system had crashed. The next convenient date was June 23. I wonder how much of that £148.40 per week will go straight into the vast and ruinously expensive Whitehall machine.

ALL this digital stuff is very clever but there are times when you can't beat newsprint. This week's newspaper articles on the D-Day 70th anniversary will be saved in millions of households and lovingly folded away with Granddad's medal ribbons and yellowing photos, in the hope that future generations will be interested. True, you can save such things on memory sticks and CDs. But technology changes and today's state-of-the-art gizmos will become about as useful as a floppy disc. Ink on paper is for ever.

AND if you despair of today's kids ever showing interest or respect for the sacrifices of two world wars, just give them time. I recall one trip to Normandy when the middle-aged men on the coach were having a right old rant about the youth of today. It turned out that those respectable gentlemen, the salt of the earth who solemnly bowed their heads at the cemeteries had once been, without exception, Teddy Boys.

A FRIEND is selling a house. The first communication from his solicitors was a request for him to provide a copy of the house's energy efficiency certificate (EEC). It takes a competent lawyer only five minutes to find any property's EEC on the internet and print it. If the lawyers can't be bothered to do that little task, what else do they expect their clients to do? My friend is worried that the next letter will be the solicitors asking if he wouldn't mind checking the mains, drains, title deeds and any relevant planning permissions.

DOES anyone ever buy stuff off those enraged people whose adverts begin: "Due to time-wasters" or similar? From a boat advert on eBay this week comes this rant: "Relisted due to another complete messer!!! Please do not waste my time unless you intend to complete the transaction!!" Sounds like Mr Angry. Avoid at all costs.

THIS is a lost cause but, as the flag-waving intensifies, I will make the point once again. The flag of England is the red cross of St George on a white background. That is all. It does not have "England" written across it.