'Families should really think twice,' funeral director warns as research reveals direct cremation regrets

An independent family funeral director has urged families to "think twice" about online direct cremation plans as research shows one in five regret choosing an unattended send off for a loved one.

Ross Hickton, managing director of Hickton Family Funeral Directors in Cradley Heath, has spoken out ahead of Dying Matters Week (May 4 to 10) after research found 18 per cent of people regretted the decision.

There has been a surge in the last few years of the popularity of direct cremations, where the person who has died is cremated without a service or mourners in attendance with the ashes later returned to the family.

Mr Hickton, however, said although they are often chosen with good intentions such as helping to reduce the financial burden of a funeral - as they typically cost around £1,600 - they can result in unanticipated emotional consequences for bereaved family and friends and may not always offer the sense of closure many people need.

According to the report by the National Society of Allied and Independent Funeral Directors (SAIF), the emotional impact can be long-lasting.

One in five people (20 per cent) said the experience left them or others with unresolved grief, emotional gaps or a lingering sense that something was missing, while 21 per cent have since told their own families they do not want an online direct cremation when they die. The same number said they also regret not discussing their loved one’s funeral wishes while they were alive, highlighting the importance of having such conversations early.

Mr Hickton stressed face-to-face guidance from a local independent funeral director who knows the community is essential to making good decisions.

He said: "Families should really think twice and discuss funeral wishes with each other before committing to a type of funeral or pre-paid funeral plan.

“As we can see from the research over a quarter of people who used an online company wished they would have had more guidance and help with the arrangements. This in my opinion can only be given by face-to-face contact, with a local independent funeral director who knows the local community and can guide families to a good decision.”

He highlighted the potential for misunderstanding when it comes to unattended cremations with the story of a family whose deceased mother wanted no one to attend but who felt they had no closure when it came to arranging the cremation.

He said: “As an independent funeral company we were able to put together a package where they could have a short service in our funeral home, with close family and friends. And then we took mom to the cremation for an unattended cremation. The family were very happy with this as they were able to say goodbye, but also uphold mom’s wishes. They had contacted a number of other providers who were unable to accommodate this."

Mr Hickton, a fourth generation funeral business director, has just concluded his 12-month term as president of SAIF, which has just launched a campaign called Handled With Care urging members of the public to think carefully about their decisions and highlighting how local funeral firms also offer the services advertised on TV by big direct cremation providers.

The organisation’s research revealed one in four people surveyed (25 per cent) agreed attending a funeral is an important first step in the grieving process, providing structure, ritual and a chance to say goodbye; and almost a third (32 per cent) of people are more likely to process grief after attending an in-person funeral.

Terry Tennens, chief executive of SAIF, said “A funeral is not just about loss, it is about remembrance, connection and celebration of life. For many families, having the chance to come together, reflect and say goodbye can play an important role in helping them process the grief of what has happened.

“Our findings show that when families are denied that moment, some can be left with a lasting sense that something important is missing. It underlines why open conversations about funeral wishes matter so much, so that decisions made after a death reflect not just financial considerations, but also the emotional needs of those left behind.”

According to SAIF, most online providers do not allow viewing of the deceased, nor are loved ones prepared/dressed prior to cremation.

The organisation has urged families to use Dying Matters Week to discuss funeral wishes with loved ones to avoid future regret.