Just don't see the attraction: 10 bizarre or terrible attractions across the UK
It's so easy to sneer at the things that Piers Morgan says.
After all, he has a tendency to come across as someone with the social graces of a lump mallet.
But when he says that the Dudley Eye is the worst tourist attraction in Great Britain, should we perhaps listen to him?
The answer, of course, is no, since we should never listen to anything Piers Morgan has ever said or done in the entire history of human interaction.
Even so, here are some ridiculous, bizarre or downright terrible tourist attractions in the UK that are far more worthy of the crown.
Ever wanted to go to Stonehenge, but worried that it might be a bit, well, stony? Then Woodhenge, a huge wooden companion piece to the legendary Salisbury rock arrangement, could be for you. Simultaneously less impressive and more of a fire hazard than actual Stonehenge, what it lacks in mystic qualities, it more than makes up for in... woodenness. And you don't get THAT at Stonehenge.
The Cumberland Pencil Museum, Keswick
Quite simply THE premier pencil history facility in the UK, presumably telling the tale of who had the idea of putting erasers on the end of them, and what happened to them in the days before pencil sharpeners. At least one E&S staff member (we don't know why we're being coy, it's Lisa from Weekend) claims to have actually been to the CPM, as it's known. We hope they stock T-shirts in the gift shop that say "IT'S NOT LEAD – IT'S GRAPHITE". Lisa tells us that said gift shop is 'full of pencils'.
The Smallest House In Great Britain, Conwy, Wales
Well, it's certainly small. And, at a push, you could describe it as a house. The only problem with Britain's tiniest domicile is that it's so small that only one human being can comfortably fit into it at any given time, which makes a tour of its 'grounds' a rather brief and solitary experience. For £2.50 a pop, you don't even get the chance to discuss how small it is with anybody else. A tip: go to the toilet beforehand. There isn't one.
Teapot Island, Yalding
Teapot Island, as the saying goes, does exactly what it says on the tin. Teapot Island, in Yalding on the banks of the River Medway, is home to 7600 teapots, 4000 of which are for sale, which immediately begs the intriguing question: What's so special about the other 3600? Technically, it's not a real island as far as we can see, but Prince Charles and Camilla have been there, and if it's good enough for them...
Warning: Your enjoyment of it may depend upon your love, or lack thereof, of teapots.
Brighton Sewage Works, Brighton
Brighton doesn't just do sun, seaside, whelks and serious nightclubbing. Not by a long chalk.
They also do sewage treatment. And they do it well. So well that they're willing to throw open the doors of their municipal sewage processing plant and invite you – yes, YOU – to enjoy the sights, sounds and smells of modern waste management. The only one on this list where it's okay to say, "This tour stinks!" and it actually be a compliment. There are other sewer tours in the UK but this is surely the hippest.
The Milton Keynes Concrete Cows, Milton Keynes
In many ways, the classic terrible tourist attraction – it's pointless, it looks silly, there's a vague feeling that it might mean something but you're not sure what, and it's somewhere completely random. There are six Milton Keynes cows, three adult and three juvenile, they look at least partially like cows, they're made of concrete and they have, over the years, become legendary, in much the same way that the Dudley Eye will, once the likes of Piers Morgan have stopped banging on about it. Mark our words.
Isle Of Arran Naturist Beach, Isle Of Arran
Variously called 'the only nudist beach in Scotland' (now there's an accolade) and 'one of the oddest days out in the UK', Cleat's Point on the Isle Of Arran is surely the country's northern-most point for letting it all hang out - and then, when the breeze picks up, presumably wishing you hadn't - in the company of like-minded naturists. The 'Bare Britain' guide describes it as 'one of the UK's least visited nudist beaches'.
British Lawnmower Museum, Southport
You can pretty much open a museum about anything nowadays (see: Cumberland Pencil Museum) and here, to prove this point, is the British Lawnmower Museum, which acknowledges that every Englishman has his castle and therefore a lawn that needs maintaining. Claims to own lawnmowers owned by both Prince Charles (him again) and Princess Diana to boot, and not all of us can lay claim to that.
Jack The Ripper Museum, London
Surely the jolliest tourist attraction in the entire land, a museum devoted to the life and times of Britain's most notorious Victorian-era multiple murderer, a man who was never brought to justice. Understandably, when the Ripper Museum opened, it was to no small amount of controversy, multiple murder being unpopular in many quarters. Presumably the museum stops short of actually, you know, letting us all know who the Ripper was.
The Glacial Boulder, Cannock Chase
The thing about the Dudley Eye is that, even if it IS as bad as they all are telling us (which it isn't, it's spectacular) then at least it is making a grand effort and is coming up just a bit short on a similarly grand scale. The Glacial Boulder on Cannock Chase, though, is just a medium-sized rock on a plinth. It overwhelms only in its ability to underwhelm. Just look at it. It just sits there. Boulder indeed.
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