Unfortunately, I have to spend much of my time with annoying media types.
Starbucks in one hand, iPhone 5 in the other, they’re constantly networking, constantly tweeting, constantly encouraging you to read their latest blog on digital communication.
Err, no thanks. Can’t we just chat about Corrie instead? Terrible what’s happening to Hayley isn’t it?
Basically, they’re doing a whole lot of nothing while appearing to be busier than the dodgy DVD man down the car boot. It’s almost a skill. Almost.
But their greatest crime is not the schmoozing, not the slithering from one crappy media event to the next, it’s the fact they make the rest of us feel guilty for doing completely normal things.
These are the people who go glamping in luxury yurts, take “arty” pictures at street food festivals and have the new series of Game Of Thrones on pre-order. They would rather die than fly easyJet to Tenerife, eat a ham sandwich on white bread or watch The Chase on ITV+1.
And they let you know about it too. Don’t you worry about that. They have all the snide articles, blogs and pics you could ever wish for.
Not that you’d wish for that. A pony would probably come first. Maybe the return of Secret choccie bars too. Mmm, remember them?
Anyways, point being, there’s been a lot of this social snobbery recently – mainly because of the return of X Factor and Strictly.
“Who watches this stuff?,” the hipsters cry. “It’s the death of culture, the death of music.”
Hmm, it’s not though is it?
“It’s staged, cynical and all with the sole purpose of getting Simon Cowell another mansion.”
OK, so they may have a point there.
However, the fact of the matter is, X Factor and Strictly is just what families do on a Saturday night.
It’s failsafe TV. There’s no swearing, sex or violence. There’s no hidden meanings or life lessons. It’s just a chance for everyone – from grandma to teenager, toddler to dad – to get together, balance a Chinese takeaway on their lap and relax.
You chat about the contestants, you chat about the costumes, your 15-year-old daughter may not have said two words to you all week but just watch her open up about Nicole’s nail varnish. Schmazing, indeed.
It’s harmless, it’s fun and it’s what Saturday nights are all about: family, a few naughty treats from the fridge and freedom from the workplace for a few blessed hours.
Afterwards, the teens return to their phone screens, mum goes to bed and dad watches Match of the Day. It’s the same in millions of households up and down the country and there’s not a damn thing wrong with it.
So media types like Lauren Laverne might score a few cool points with comments like “Simon Cowell is paid to cut the cultural throat of our nation and drink its still-warm blood” but for me, there’s no joy to be had in pretending to hate Strictly or X Fac. Besides, she was in Kenickie and they were rubbish.
Oh, one last thing for the record: I am obviously not an annoying media type.
OK, so I like the odd Starbucks, have an iPhone 5 and am paid to write judgemental articles but I’m different. Honest.
And if you don’t believe me, you can visit my webpage and read my latest blog.