Happy days at Molineux? We can only dream

I suppose it's too much to ask for one, just one, enjoyable afternoon at Molineux, writes Wolves blogger Tim Spiers.

I mean, it's only been 117 days since we were able to depart the Golden Palace with smiles on our faces, other than when taking the Mickey out of ourselves for being so incredibly rubbish.

Ah yes, 117 days ago, December 4 2011 to be precise when we beat Sunderland – what an age that was to live in.

It was back in the good old days when Wolves performances hadn't yet sunk to the level of a family kickabout in Forrest Gump's back garden.

Steven Fletcher was still scoring goals and pasties were largely irrelevant in the spectrum of ambient temperature-based baked goods.

Fast forward to March 30 2012 and Fletcher is being given fewer chances to score than Peter Beardsley at a Hugh Hefner Playboy party.

Meanwhile pasties (particularly those from Greggs the bakers, a shrine for lovers of salt, fat, grease and misery) have been given some sort of demigod status, with people now forced to eat a pasty every day to prove they're "with the programme" or risk being labelled as a pasty heretic and burned to death on a steak bake stake.

We've had countless low points in the past three months but being beaten by Bolton tomorrow, which would put the Trotters seven points clear of us with a game in hand, could top the lot.

That's because despite Terry Connor's mathematically-flawless assertion that a defeat wouldn't relegate us, in reality it really is win or bust.

From our four following fixtures (away games at Stoke and Sunderland and visits from Arsenal and Manchester City) we'd only expect to garner a draw or two in normal circumstances, let alone circumstances in which we look less likely to make a point than Kerry Katona in a debate on the laws of thermodynamics.

The final run-in sees us go to Swansea, host Everton and then travel to Wigan, from which a seven-point haul to book-end the season and mirror our first three fixtures wouldn't be out of the question were we to find any kind of form.

Even with that kind of wild and completely unjustified optimism though, adding seven points to our current total puts us on 29, which means we'd probably need another six at least from the next five games to give us a prayer of staying up.

There is very little of substance to suggest that this is possible, on current form.

At Norwich last week there was an air of despondency and resignation before the game had even kicked off and I expect it'll be the same tomorrow.

The players have simply given us nothing to cling on to in terms of hope that relegation can be avoided, so it's up to them to set the tone early on and create a rousing atmosphere.

Momentum is king at this time of the season and teams have recovered from worse positions than ours – Portsmouth were eight points adrift with eight games to go in 2006, while two years later Fulham were five short with just three matches left.

So yes unbelievably, despite the nightmare from hell season we've had, there is still hope – blind hope – but hope nonetheless.

If we do lose it would set a new club record of consecutive home defeats, but for my mind we've already set a few records this season, as you'll see below.

Enjoy the game folks, if you can.

Most frivolous use of squad players for a team fighting relegation

Adlene Guedioura and Adam Hammill? No we don't need them, far too aggressive, unpredictable and attacking. They like to shoot at goal too – we don't want any of that malarkey here. Best just to stick to some gentle passes out to the wingers, or better still back to Wayne Hennessey so he can plonk a long kick onto the opposition centre half's head. Don't want to be too risky, we might lose 8-0 rather than 5-0. Besides, we've just bought this lad from Hearts who looks like a cracking prospect...

Most rapid plummeting of reputation in the football fraternity

There was a time when football fans outside the West Midlands rooted for Wolves and wanted to see us stay up. Well not anymore. "What's that? Their chairman's started giving team talks in the dressing room, they've sacked that funny chap Mick McCarthy and replaced him with a guy I've never heard of called Terry O'Connor? No I don't like them now, I'd rather see QPR stay up, that Joey Barton doesn't look so bad after all."

Largest amount of optimism on a club website

"We are all doing whatever we can to try and help the team. We're one win away from changing it. We are giving it everything. The only thing we can do is keep fighting and keep going. We'll get out of this together There is still a good chance of staying in the league and while that is there we will fight to the end. We are sticking together." Just a few examples taken from the one-point-from-six-games run of the past few weeks.

Most ridiculous protest in football history

What do we want? Morgan and Moxley out! Oh okay yeah, why's that again? Er...well Jeff Moxley gave Sandwell the South Bank so I hate him and he should be sacked. And what about Morgan? because he's a Scouser and I hate Scousers. Right, anything else? Yeah his houses are rubbish haha! Hmm okay, anything football related? Well I don't really go to the games I just came here for a dust-up, but I heard he's in the mafia and he made a clipboard the new manager.