Miss March
Near the beginning of Zach Cregger and Trevor Moore's bad taste road movie, a coma patient is woken from his four-year slumber by a blow to the head from a baseball bat.
Near the beginning of Zach Cregger and Trevor Moore's bad taste road movie, a coma patient is woken from his four-year slumber by a blow to the head from a baseball bat.
As a result of this radical 'treatment', the patient suffers a broken nose and a fractured skull on top of muscle atrophy and a complete lack of control of his bowels, which provides the film with a disgusting running gag.
All of those wince-inducing injuries pale next to the excruciating pain of sitting through Miss March, a puerile and mind-numbing coming of age comedy that proves true love can endure even the lamest of scripts.
Whether the audience will survive this torture is another matter.
Unlike his chauvinistic, skirt-chasing best friend Tucker Cleigh (Moore), high school student Eugene Bell (Cregger) believes treating a woman with respect.
He has a beautiful girlfriend Cindi (Raquel Alessi) and a shared vow of abstinence before marriage.
On the eve of the high school prom, Cindi drops a bombshell: she is ready to consummate their relationship and she pressurises Eugene to be the one to take her virginity.
'I promise I will have sex with you on prom night,' he agrees nervously.
As the fateful the hour approaches, Eugene takes a tumble down some stairs at a party and wakes four years later to discover the world has moved on without him - everyone except Tucker, who is dating an epileptic beauty from school called Candace (Molly Stanton).
'It's kind of hot.
She vibrates!' grins Tucker, crudely referring to his sweetheart's medical condition.
Sadly, Cindi is nowhere to be found...
until Tucker opens his new copy of Playboy magazine and there she is, immortalised as the March centrefold.
'True love is speaking to us and it's saying, 'Go to the Playboy Mansion!'' whispers Tucker, hatching a madcap plan to track down Cindi with the help of an obscenely-named local rapper (Craig Robinson).
En route, the unlikely lads with a knack for stupidity get into various scrapes with scantily clad females including a pair of sex-charged lesbians.
Miss March is misconceived, misdirected and misgauged by writers, directors and stars Cregger and Moore, founders of the comedy troupe The Whitest Kids U' Know.
In short, it's a big mistake.
Moore is insufferable before Cregger's nice guy takes his ill-fated tumble and our frustration rises with each lame-brained interlude.
Candace's condition is played for laughs, leading to a mid-coitus fit brought on be a strobe light, and a pet pooch belonging to real-life 2007 Playmate Of The Year, Sara Jean Underworld, manages to urinate in a glass of champagne which is then drunk (and enjoyed) by a ditzy blonde.
Playboy maven Hugh Hefner cameos for the finale, delivering the film's key tenet: 'There's a bunny deep down inside each and every woman.'
Release Date: Friday 11 September 2009
Certificate: 15
Runtime: 90mins
