Peter Rhodes: Don't run away from Europe?

DOES physical fitness bring mental brilliance? After completing 27 heroic marathons in 27 days for Sport Relief, comedian Eddie Izzard makes three pronouncements. First, he says we should all become more active. Dammit, we know he's right.

NEXT, Izzard says we should get refined sugar out of our systems. Look around this flabby, diabetes-ridden nation and who can argue with that? Dammit, he's right again.

THIRDLY, Izzard says he will be campaigning to keep Britain in the European Union because, "the only way to change Europe is from within." Well, two out of three's not bad.

HERE'S what you have to change, Eddie. A report into EU spending claims that £1,000 million intended to deter and deport migrants in the Balkans and north Africa has, well, sort of vanished. One diplomat quoted by the Daily Telegraph says there is concern in Brussels over whether the money "is flowing to reputable, serious people" and the management is condemned as chaotic. No surprises there, then. The further south you go in Europe, the more likely it is that money intended for the poorest ends up in the pockets of the richest. We are seriously expected to believe, for example, that every Berlin-bound migrant in Turkey can easily find a people-smuggler with a large inflatable boat for hire, but the Turkish authorities cannot. Don't you wonder how much of that £1,000 million was spent paying coppers and coastguards to look the other way?

YOU may not have head of Millennials but they have certainly heard of themselves. The young adults born a few years either side of the year 2000 are virtually hard-wired to their smartphones and so relentlessly self-obsessed that they have chalked up 20 million references to "millennials" on Google. A recent article in the Guardian offered "22 reasons why it's good to be a millennial." Half of those reasons involved 24/7 access to the internet. This is a generation which barely seems to exist without a smartphone. Disconnect them and they have no friends, no opinions, no politics, no news. And maybe they're not even going to reproduce. One explanation for the recent halving of teenage pregnancies since 1998 is the rise of social media, with kids spending less time physically with each other. Progress?

THE test of a great suspense drama is whether it's still great even after you know the ending. Sarah Lancashire has reportedly said she won't be up for a third series of the BBC thriller Happy Valley. Maybe she's right. The oldest showbiz tip is always to leave the public wanting more. Last night I watched the final episode of Happy Valley again and it was just as gripping second time around (and still available on catch-up). While everyone raves, quite rightly, about the brilliance of Lancashire as Sgt Cath Cawood, Kevin Doyle was superb as John Wadsworth the detective driven to murder, mutilation and self-destruction by a stupid affair with a mad woman. As his world fell apart, he visibly aged, twitching and hyperventilating towards his private Armagaddon. Perfect.

WHAT softies we have become. An on-screen warning before Land of Hope and Glory: British Country Life (BBC2) warned us that it contained "some upsetting scenes." You may have braced yourself for multiple murder in Chipping Campden or race riots in Upton Snodsbury but the "upsetting scenes" turned out to be a pack of Sealyham terriers enjoying a day's ratting at a poultry farm. Ratting used to be regarded as free entertainment and a day out for the kids. Now it comes with a health warning.