Listen in chaps, this one is for you, ladies, look away now.
It's almost upon us, that time of year which some blokes dread, I'm talking about us married geezers, you blokes shacked up with your nearest and dearest, at least have the get out of jail card, and if needs be, can hot foot it back to the ancestral pile. Notwithstanding the dreaded virus, the next headache is Christmas, with all its angst aggravation, compounded by the dreaded shopping in the hell that is the aircraft hanger sized supermarkets. There is no escape, only death. Where is all this leading to, I will explain:
My beloved and I have been an item for 44 years, 42 of them legally webbed up, and as you all know, you have wedding anniversaries, birthdays, and Valentine's Days to remember, that's not counting the odd days when she merits a box of chocolates, and the obligatory bunch of petrol station flowers, So, in my case its 42 years of at least five times a year of thinking of something to buy for a present, think about that, that's over 200 times I have to come up with something original as a present, its a real pain in the gluteus maximus.
I admit it, I am not too fond Christmas, it's too damn commercialised. Thinking back, the Christmases of my youth were wonderful occasions, a real pine tree with real wax candles, that flickered and twinkled in our modest home, the excitement and anticipation of what Father Christmas had left us, and the knowledge that a meal that we could only experience once a year, was waiting for us four small post war bomb site playing kids. Today some 60+ years later, the whole commercial razzmatazz and television swamped day has ceased to be a religious commemorative holiday, its now all money orientated, the fun and excitement has been sucked out of it by avaricious big business.
As for her the wife, I still haven't a Scooby what to get for her. Subtle hints have been suggested, as in " Get me some perfume" so a flagon of lady pong will be obtained from the nearest chemist with a card, and that chaps, covers all the bases. As for me, there's nothing I need, apart from some peace and quiet, but as we all know it's going to be socks, a multitude of coloured under crackers, and maybe, some of my favourite pipe tobacco.
As for the children and grandchildren we will do the Christmas thing, as we have always done, and I'd hope that the deep thinking ones in that there London, will allow normal jogging, without any lockdown, circuit breaker, bubble or any other ludicrous buzzword, to hinder the one day of the year that we can indulge the small ones in the same manner as that I, and my siblings were all those years ago, and if any misguided souls start caterwauling carols outside Levy towers, I cannot be held responsible for my actions. Bah humbug... have a nice day!
Tony Levy, Wednesfield
Send us your letters for publication:
Email us at firstname.lastname@example.org or write to: Letters, Express & Star, 51-53 Queen Street, Wolverhampton WV1 1ES. Letters MUST include the writer’s name, address and telephone number. Letters will only be published anonymously in exceptional circumstances. The editor reserves the right to condense or amend letters.