It can only happen to me, and I suspect other DIY master bodgers.
Having spent the best part of three days renovating some timberwork on the side of the old homestead, it came to the final few hours, painting the white sections, and the sky looked decided murky. Her indoors, decided that “Maybe you should leave it for a sunnier day, darling”. It’s the darling bit that got me, said in a rather sarcastic tone.
But as you well know lads, it’s a decision that can only be taken by he who holds the two-inch paintbrush. Up the ladder, sploshing masonry paint like a man possessed, the job finally finished, and like all good ‘destroy it yourself’ aficionados, the obligatory look of self-satisfaction, feet akimbo, hands on hips and looking up, absolutely chuffed, and thinking outside the box, with overalls still on, why not spray the drive with weed and moss killer? Why not? The expected storm Alex hasn’t hit this part of merry England yet, and so the next 20 minutes saw two jobs finished in one afternoon.
As I was removing my work boots, it tipped it down, a deluge, rivers of murky water cascaded along the street gutters, the drive was submerged under a lake of swirling water, and then it hit me. The paintwork, it’s only been on 30 minutes. The black gloss of the timber work underneath the newly painted panels, now took on the mantle of a Salvador Dali zebra, white runny stripes, dripping onto the plastic council bins sitting silently underneath, morphing into a multi-coloured example, of something that Jackson Pollock would be proud of.
Storm Alex had kicked in with a vengeance, and in my arrogance thought I could beat the celestial system. The boss stifled a laugh, with that expression that says, I told you so, “When it stops raining see if it’s alright”. Nice one Einstein, I would never have thought of that!
It took but a few minutes to clean the black timber work of white paint, ditto bins. I will have to paint it all again, which means up a double extension ladder, in November, with the boss giving directions from terra firma, as long as she gets a brew on the boil for my decent, not a problem, and any sarcastic comments, and she will be wearing the remaining contents of a can of pure white, water-based, masonry paint.
Tony Levy, Wednesfield
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