Search for the perfect toaster
Everybody’s morning starts the same, well mine does, an attack of the grumps, a mooch into the bathroom, then semi-consciously get dressed and wander downstairs for the life-giving mug of wet sweet and hot.
Now if like me the occasional hen's fruit and toast is available, on goes the pot with two of Rhode Island Red's finest, into the toaster goes two slices, and in a few minutes up they pop, but wait a minute, what’s this?
The bottom two thirds are a deliciously light brown, but the top bit is still white, so out they come and reversed in the go for a second cooking.
Why can I not place my bread in the toaster sideways on, this will allow the complete slice, to toast up evenly, I suspect a conspiracy between the toaster makers and the electric companies. They know that us blokes like our toast evenly cooked, and they know we will reverse them and do a second toast, using more electric.
This outrage must stop. There must be an apparatus out there that will take two slices of bread, sideways on and toast them, it's not rocket science, and while I’m waiting for round two, my eggs are getting overcooked. This is not on, half cooked toast, and hard boiled eggs, and her indoors wonders why I have all the charisma of a high speed crash first thing in the morning.
I am resigned to the fact that at silly o’clock in the morning, when preparing my breakfast, timing is everything, and so with military precision, in goes the toast, and 90 seconds later, eggs are lowered into boiling water, the toast is reversed for its second run, and right on cue, the eggs are cooked to perfection, and the toast emerges hot, golden brown ready for jam and marmalade, job done.
But it still begs the question, why can I not buy a toaster that takes bread sideways, this and other mind numbing topics will be pondered the length and breadth of the land, but only by us fellas, the ladies will have more prosaic topics to fill their day.
Mssrs Dyson, Sugar, Branson, Sinclair, it's over to you.