A £500 penalty for driving at 25mph? Has the world gone mad? The media has had so much fun guffawing at the Archbishop of Canterbury's conviction for exceeding a 20mph limit that they've mostly ignored the bigger picture, that it is now perfectly possible to be nicked for speeding while driving at a snail's pace.
And to those of you who think any form of speeding ought to be a hanging offence, believe me, your turn will come. Lower limits coupled with new cameras will generate millions more speeding tickets.
No-one disagrees with 20mph limits outside schools. But when 20mph becomes the default limit in all towns, does it actually make the roads safer? I regularly use a street where a new 20mph limit is in force. My impression is that the slower the traffic goes, the more that shoppers ignore the pedestrian crossings and simply dash out into the stream of traffic. And I defy any driver to stick below 20mph without constantly taking their eyes off the road to check the speedometer.
Before the 20mph limits are fully rolled out, some politicians are already campaigning for 10mph limits in residential areas. Although a Tory spokesman has dismissed the plan as “bonkers,” what is bonkers today has a habit of becoming received wisdom tomorrow. The day cannot be far off when a “slow march” by Just Stop Oil protesters is faster than the traffic they're trying to hold up.
The schools minister Nick Gibb is looking into complaints that the recent SATs exams were “too difficult” and left some pupils in tears. While he's at it, could he also have a look at the O-level maths papers for 1968? Far, far too difficult.
Shocked. Wide-eyed. Oh, no! Me? Horrified. Amazed. Reduced to tears. Hand over mouth. Losing power in the legs, needs the support of others. Bravely gulps out tearful words of Bafta acceptance. A truly titanic performance.