Peter Rhodes: That was the year that was

January: The new Bill against upskirting will soon become law. Male MPs often expose several inches of hairy leg in the Commons. If we can ban upskirting I'm sure we can ban upsocking.

February: One great national company reports that it has spent more than £3 million flying staff around the UK on the grounds that it is often cheaper and quicker than going by rail. The company in question is Network Rail.

March: Since writing the item about the demise of jokes, a reader has threatened to cut off the bottom of my trouser leg and put it in a library. That's a turn-up for the books.

April: The prospect of Boris Johnson as leader of the Conservative Party and prime minister, with Amber Rudd as his deputy was punted this week as a "dream ticket". Seriously, if you have dreams about this sort of thing, see your doctor.

May: News reaches me of a social event hosted by the Institute of Chiropodists and Podiatrists. It is called the Foot Ball.

June: Today marks the 75th anniversary of D-Day, the Allied invasion of German-occupied France. The historian Andrew Roberts described it a few days ago as "the greatest single service that the English-speaking peoples ever rendered civilisation".

July: As Extinction Rebellion threatened to strike at Wimbledon, was anybody else getting fed up with the pious little plea: “This is a non-violent protest," as if that excuses everything? If an action is technically non-violent but it is clearly aggressive and causes annoyance, it should be regarded as the first punch.

August: BBC veteran Michael Buerk says obese people should be allowed to die early because their deaths would be "a selfless sacrifice in the fight against demographic imbalance, overpopulation and climate change.” Typical soft-hearted BBC liberal-lefty ditherer.

September: Latest forecast is that HS2, the railway that nobody wants, will not be running until 2031, seven years later than planned. It is becoming a moot point which luxurious and ridiculously expensive form of travel we will experience first, HS2 or a hearse.

October: The great chef Pru Leith warns that fad diets, purges and "magic potions" are nonsense. I can believe that. I once worked with somebody who, once a year, embarked on a rigorous cleansing and de-tox diet. It lasted a couple of weeks and at the end of it he was every bit as toxic and unclean as before

November: The House of Commons has been through a period of snags and friction. A reader says the appointment of a new Speaker will turn it into a well-Hoyled machine.

December: A Guardian reader writes: “My advice is to find out which party your local small businesses supported, and boycott accordingly.” What a great idea. And if you find a local small business owned by Jewish people, what then, sonny?