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Peter Rhodes on legendary tomatoes, singing like Frank and the frankness of Rory the Tory

By Peter Rhodes | Peter Rhodes | Published:

Read today's column by Peter Rhodes

Rory the Tory

JUST to clarify things. This column is not, has not been and is never likely to be endorsed by President Donald Trump.

"IT'S like the Hanging Gardens of Babylon, but with tomatoes." Proud salad grower describing his crop in Farming Today (Radio 4).

BUT then it is almost impossible to switch on Radio 4 for more than a few minutes without hearing some fascinating fact. From Saturday: did you know that more karaoke-related murders in the Philippines involve Frank Sinatra's anthem My Way than any other song? And are you in the least surprised?

THE best Frank Sinatra tribute act I ever saw was an old chap in a bar in Cyprus years ago who waited until the kids had blasted their way through hits of the 1980s before taking to the karaoke machine. He didn't attempt My Way but gave us That Old Black Magic and sang it, in my humble opinion, rather better than Ol' Blue Eyes himself. There's a lot of talent out there.

RORY Stewart MP is an odd-looking bloke but his life has been such a vivid tapestry of travel, danger, adventure and high drama that Brad Pitt has reportedly bought the rights to make a film about it. As far as I am aware, this makes him unique among MPs. Rory the Tory, standing for the Conservative Party leadership, seems to be intelligent, humane and amusing. Yet before the list of candidates was even complete, he had declared that he would never serve in a Cabinet under Boris Johnson and is opposed to a no-deal Brexit. He then admitted smoking opium, 15 years ago, at a wedding in Iran, as you do. I dare say he would make a fine prime minister but he may simply be too honest for the job.

THOSE of us born without the football gene can only gasp at one Sunday newspaper's promise of "13 pages of analysis" on the Liverpool-Tottenham match. Look, Liverpool got two goals and Tottenham didn't get any goals. That's it. Thirteen pages? Ye gods.

THERE is a postscript to the think-tank report last month which suggested Brits are more content with their lives than they have ever been since records began. On closer reading it seems that many people, including the homeless and thousands who are in poor health, disabled or doing unpaid care work, are not included in the survey. So it might be more accurate to say that happy people are generally happier than unhappy people. Where would we be without think-tanks?

AFTER the United States 2019 Spelling Bee championship, a reader asks how the US can hold such a contest when they can't even spell humour, colour or aluminium. Try not to dwell on such things or you may become an omphalopsychite.

Peter Rhodes

By Peter Rhodes

Award-winning columnist and blogger. Keeping an eye on the tribulations and trivia of a fast-changing world

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