Express & Star

Peter Rhodes on internet gossip, the brief run of Detectorists and happy words from a doomed legend

Read today's column from Peter Rhodes.

Published
Grail hunters.

EVERYONE in our road has received a chummy little invitation from somebody living a few streets away to join an online network where we can discuss local issues, post items for sale "and much more." It repeatedly claims to be free and private and "just for our neighbours." I am sure they mean well. But imagine if your first posting was: "Guess what, folks, I've just won £100 million on Lotto." How long would that stay private?

THE neighbourhood network is the internet-age equivalent of a very ancient and low-tech means of spreading information. It was called gossip. It was always only as secure as its weakest link. There is a lovely line in that wonderful movie Local Hero when the pastor of a gossip-ridden Scottish village offers the assurance: "I give you my word that I'll be as discreet as the next man."

IN the space of a few hours I wandered over the mystical plain at Sutton Hoo in Suffolk, was instantly reminded of the comedy series Detectorists, and then read an item about zero-alcohol beer served on tap being the Holy Grail of brewing. Inevitably, that great little line from Detectorists sprang to mind. Lance (Toby Jones) claims that a Saxon funeral hoard is "the Holy Grail of treasure hunting." He's quickly corrected by Andy (Mackenzie Crook) who says: "No, the Holy Grail of treasure hunting is the Holy Grail."

I SUPPOSE I am mildly interested in whether a secretary of state may or may not have leaked something to the Daily Telegraph about Huawei building part of the UK's 5G network. But aren't we all far more interested in knowing why Theresa May, against all the security advice, is so damn keen on Huawei? The big story is being buried by a small story.

ANYBODY could have predicted the outcome of the Labour Party's debate this week on the vexed issue of a second referendum. Firstly, it is utterly incomprehensible to normal human beings. Secondly, if you happen to be a politician, it means anything you want it to mean. Job done.

I WROTE recently about the trend for plaques and prints of wise sayings by the great and good as home decorations. I wonder if some of them are created with a sense of irony. I spotted one recently which read: "Keep smiling because life is a beautiful thing and there's so much to smile about." Before you pin that uplifting little soundbite on your wall, be aware that the author suffered from drug addiction, anxiety, depression, betrayal and exploitation and, by the time she took her own life aged 36, had nothing to smile about. Marilyn Monroe.

AFTER Tuesday's item on the improbable pepper mine at Ashow, many thanks for your suggestions of other unlikely establishments, including the cystitis clinic at Wyre Piddle, Worcestershire, and the Cambridge Obesity Centre at Six Mile Bottom.

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