Peter Rhodes on hermit kids, uniting the country and time for the right sort of referendum

HERE'S a sight to cheer us up. On a glorious April Fool's Day, two enormous and moderately mad March hares bounded across the meadow down the road. I have no idea where something that big manages to hide all winter but, after last year's fears of hare-extinction by virus, it is good to see them again. I had forgotten how quickly a hare accelerates. On an island generally short of exciting mammals, the brown hare is the closest thing we have to cheetahs.

A NEW social group is emerging. They are known as "hermit kids," youngsters glued to computers and smartphones who lock themselves in their bedrooms, to hide from a wretched world of low self-esteem and job insecurity. A youth worker told the Daily Mail: "It's far harder to be a young person now than it ever was." Seriously, has there ever been a time in history when it wasn't?

THE speed-awareness industry goes from strength to strength. It was revealed on Monday that nearly 2.3 million motorists were nicked in speed traps last year, compared with 1.7 million six years ago. Millions of drivers have been sent on £100-a-time courses and yet road deaths have barely changed. There is still no evidence that these courses make the roads safer. And does anyone believe that attending a course is a greater deterrent than getting three points on your licence?

UNDERSTANDING politicianese. When deputy Labour leader Tom Watson says a second referendum is "the only way we can bring the country back together now" what he means is it's "the only way we can win."

BUT if offering a people's vote is the only way to get an EU deal through Parliament, maybe it's time for Theresa May to capitulate and agree to put her own deal to a second referendum at some time in the future. And if the vote finally goes against her deal she can then announce - as some bitter remoaners have been telling us for the past three years - that under our parliamentary system, referendums are only advisory anyway.

WHAT are the odds? The very day after I suggested BT would rather pay compensation for broadband faults than rush to fix them, our landline went down. This used to happen all the time, especially in rain, but the line has been pretty good for the past few months. And then, after a showery night, the router light turned from dependable solid blue to venomous flashing green and the phone crackled like popcorn in a furnace. Why is it in moments of such stress, as you are bellowing down a fading line to make yourself heard by a bloke in India, that the first thing he wants to know is your BT account number? We all carry that around with us, don't we?

THIS week's health tip comes from scientists who say we could improve our fitness by hiding the TV remote control. I can see this ending with much violence and counselling.