Express & Star

Peter Rhodes on jihadi brides, the Channel Tunnel and where Prince Philip might be driving next

I WOULD not mind betting that somebody within the Church of England is working on a form of service to welcome jihadi brides back to Britain. I have in mind a vicar solemnly joining Shamima, latterly of the Islamic State, into lifelong and holy wedlock with the Welfare State, to the strains of Edith Piaf singing "Je Ne Regrette Rien." As for the readings, it's probably best to skip that embarrassing verse from the Book of Jeremiah. You know, the one about whether the leopard can change its spots.

Published
Shamima Begum

ANYONE else notice that some broadcasters refer to the 19-year-old Jihadi bride Shamima Begum as a teenager? As a general rule in reporting, anyone aged over 18 is either a man or a woman. So who decides to use a term like "teenager" with all its overtones of Western pop culture and youthful naivete? In one word, parts of the media are signalling that a woman who, for all we know, might be a huge threat to public safety, is only a kid, really. It could turn out to be a deadly delusion.

A CORRESPONDENT accuses me of being one who "thinks that the millenium bug simply went away on its own." Not at all. It's just that before January 1, 2000, we were told, among other things, that fixing the millennium bug was the equivalent of removing and replacing every single rivet in the Forth Rail Bridge. Clearly, it wasn't. In the same way, whatever Brexit brings, it will not live up to the zombie-horror Armageddon-on-wheels predicted by Anna Soubry and her sackcloth-and-ashes mates. Brexit is a re-arrangement of our trading procedures, not the Final Trumpet.

THERE is much sorrowful commentary on the Duke of Edinburgh surrendering his driving licence and "giving up a lifelong passion." Really? Who among us would not swap the slog of modern driving for the luxury of being driven? And if he desperately fancies a quick spin, I bet there are many miles of roads on the royal estates, military bases and palace precincts where HRH can tread on the gas to his heart's content.

POLITICS is all about scoring points and I suppose no-one can blame politicians for taking a pot shot at the hapless Transport Secretary Chris Grayling's ill-starred contract for ferries with a company which didn't own a single ship. However, I am reminded that back in the 1980s I met the boss of the company planning to dig the Channel Tunnel. I'm not sure that he owned a single shovel; maybe I should have asked him. Likewise, I bet the organisers of Glastonbury do not personally possess large numbers of chemical loos or guitars. And when political parties book their annual conference, does anyone check that the event organiser owns plenty of seats? You see the point? Some companies don't actually do things. They fix it so that things happen.

INCIDENTALLY, I remember leaving that meeting with the Channel Tunnel people and thinking: "Well, that's never going to happen." Eight years later it was open.