Peter Rhodes on the deadly B-word, protecting church treasures and universities for the brainless

THANKS for your suggestions for a kinder, gentler name for the Death Certificate, preferably avoiding the use of the word "death". A reader suggests the POOP Form (Permanently Out Of Puff).

SIR Philip Green says his behaviour towards staff was harmless and never more than banter. Doesn't he know by now that, in the great and deadly spider's web of modern sexual conduct, no defence is weaker and no word is more toxic than "banter"? Those who invoke the B-word tend to end up as the T-word. Toast.

A TALE of two injunctions. Philip Green's was blown apart in seconds by Lord Peter Hain's whistle-blowing in the Lords. But I recall another injunction, imposed a few years ago on a celebrity which has never been breached, either in Parliament or in the media. So why was Green exposed so quickly while the other remains unnamed? Possibly because the celeb was generally liked but nobody seems to like Philip Green. This may suit your idea of fairness but English justice is supposed to be dispensed without fear or favour, not used to stick the boot into those we happen to dislike.

SOUTHAMPTON University has a beautiful mural showing the young men who left their studies to fight in the First World War of 1914-18. Unsurprisingly, given the era, they are all white. This so inflamed the students' union president Emily Dawes that she tweeted: "Mark my words - we're taking down the mural of white men in the uni Senate room, even if I have to paint over it myself." Dawes has since apologised. Some see this incident as an ignorant and offensive assault on all we hold dear. But perhaps we should be more positive. It could be interpreted as a great stride forward in higher-education accessibility for all. The process began some years ago when Tony Blair suggested 50 per cent of all school leavers could go to uni. Next, a few universities started offering places regardless of the student's A-level results. And now, as we see in the Southampton incident, it is perfectly possible to get into university with no brains at all.

AFTER the attempted theft of the copy of Magna Carta at Salisbury Cathedral, the Dean, Canon Nicholas Papadapulos said he was unsure how the suspect managed to enter the cathedral with a hammer. Mmm, tricky one. But I'm guessing the hammer was either in the intruder's pocket, up his sleeve or in a bag. We have not yet reached the stage, thank heavens, where cathedral visitors are regarded as potential villains and subject to electronic scans and body-frisking which would, of course, breach the old biblical rule: "Judge not, that ye be not judged."

ON the other hand, Salisbury, like most other cathedrals, knows this is a wicked world. So it helps fight the ungodly by protecting its treasures wisely, in this case behind two layers of thick glass which saved the priceless document from damage. This proves the even older rule, that Heaven helps those who help themselves.