Express & Star

Peter Rhodes on a Hong Kong scam, a plot to stop Boris and a moment of TV perfection

IF we believe the Guardian, there is a secret Tory plot to keep Boris Johnson out of Downing Street. It is known as Operation Arse.

Published
David Mitchell in Upstart Crow

IT is almost 30 years since writers Ben Elton and Richard Curtis turned the final moments of Blackadder Goes Forth (BBC1) from cynical comedy to pure pathos. Unexpectedly, the four main characters went over the top from their trench, to be wiped out by machine-gun fire. The screen turned into a field of Flanders poppies. That moment left millions of viewers astonished and deeply moved. Comedy is not supposed to behave like this. And then this week on Upstart Crow (BBC2) Ben Elton did it again. The clever silliness of William Shakespeare’s private life suddenly turned to real history. Will (David Mitchell) arrives home in August 1596 to find his beloved only son, 11-year-old Hamnet, has died of the plague. The laughter stops. As long as people talk about television, those few poignant moments will be remembered. A masterpiece.

AN Italian scientist, Professor Alessandro Strumia, has been suspended by the European Organisation for Nuclear Research, after he gave a presentation using a slide which said: “Physics was invented and built by men”. These words have been denounced as “highly offensive” We are told that the scietific community is “in shock.” Outrage is clearly the order of the day. And yet I have a suspicion that, if a female scientist had declared “Physics was invented and built by women,” she would have been praised for her brave, forthright and revolutionary thinking and given a standing ovation. We live in strange times.

COUNTRYFILE (BBC1) introduced us to an 11-year-old boy dying of a form of premature Alzheimer’s disease. He is already losing memories and will soon go blind and be fed through a tube. On the day this nightmare was revealed, it was announced that the Archbishop of York, John Sentamu, will retire in June 2020. This gives his successor two years to dream up a plausible explanation of why a loving God allows little children to suffer like this.

HERE’S the deal. A Mr Oscar Rhodes invested 10 million dollars with a bank in Hong Kong some months ago and then died with no relatives . So James Yiwei, account officer for the bank, has a scheme to withdraw the money in my name, splitting it 50:50. “Nobody is getting hurt,” stresses Mr Yiwei. “This is a lifetime opportunity for us.” Frankly, I doubt it. The most surprising thing is that this isn’t an online scam. It came in an envelope by mail. How charmingly old-fashioned - as is his plea: “Do not betray my confidence.” Fear not, Mr Yiwei. Our little secret will not go beyond the readers.

MY recent item on limericks inspires a reader from Shrewsbury to pen five limericks with a local theme, in the spirit of The Shropshire Lad. “Probably unprintable,” he says. Absolutely right, sir. Especially the one about the Lady from Belle Vue / Who purchased a bottle of glue.