Express & Star

Peter Rhodes: Look north

WHY the Tories must not be Ruthless, imperial ambitions in Brussels and a test for the elderly

Published
Ruth Davidson

THANKS for your emails on the subject of when middle-age turns to elderly. I enjoyed this four-point checklist from a reader: 1) boil kettle, 2) open tea caddy, 3) Put teabags in kettle, 4) Pour boiling water into tea caddy.

THAT E-word looms again.Whenever we mad old Brexiteers suggest the EU is heading in a most unhealthy direction towards yet another pan-European empire, the other side howls us down and insists Brussels is all about sweetness, light, truth, beauty, motherhood, apple pie and democracy. So I am grateful to former Belgian prime minister Guy Verhofstadt for putting things straight.

IN a recent speech pouring scorn on Britain's desire to become an independent nation once again, Verhofstadt declared the UK would lose influence on the world stage. He added: "The world of tomorrow is a world of empires. And only a united Europe will play a role of significance." You can't make it any plainer than that. A 21st century empire is being assembled, stretching from Bantry Bay to the Dardanelles, with one law, one flag, one anthem, one currency and one president. Strange, isn't it, how so many people who claim to detest imperialism are so keen to be part of it?

IF the Conservatives are looking for new inspiration, or even for a new leader, they must surely look North. Ruth Davidson, the feisty Scottish Tory leader, is a bundle of energy with a sharp sense of humour. She wants to take the fight to Jeremy Corbyn and I cannot name anyone more calculated to put the fear of God into the Corbynites than her. How would Labour claim to speak for diversity and inclusivity when their leader was male, pale and stale but the new Tory leader was a young Scottish lass in a same-sex relationship? Davidson ticks boxes, scares the socialists and is 30 years younger than Mr Corbyn.

MY blood-pressure prescription has just been changed and I have suddenly lost my taste for red wine. For as long as I can recall, the evening glass of Merlot or Chianti has been part of my regime. Now, the only booze I fancy is cider. From Bordeaux to tramp juice at a stroke.

IT could be worse. I know a doctor who had a tearful visit from a patient's wife, convinced that her husband was having an affair. After many loving years her spouse had suddenly lost any interest in sex. The doc recalled he had changed the patient's eye drops a few weeks earlier. He duly halved the dose and soon all was well again. A few micrograms of chemical saved the day. If nothing else, it makes you think about the nature of relationships. One eyedrop = happy marriage. Two eyedrops = misery.

PLAIN English department. Uniper, the company demolishing an old power station in Shropshire, says it will keep the local council and residents fully informed. One councillor responded: "It is extremely encouraging to hear of Uniper's commitment to undertake proactive stakeholder communications." Seriously, does anyone actually talk like this, going forward?