Peter Rhodes: Is that you, Satan?

NOT so long ago, any pointless action was described as "taking coals to Newcastle." I was reminded of it a few days ago sitting in the sunshine at a cafe beside Rutland Water, one of the biggest reservoirs in England and drinking bottled water, imported from Scotland.

HERE'S another old expression which seems to be reaching its sell-by date. As I bought the newspapers, the woman behind the counter asked if I wanted any of the chocolates on special offer. "Get thee behind me," I replied jokingly. She glared as though I had made an indecent proposal. The full expression, "Get thee behind me, Satan," is attributed to Jesus in the Bible. The Bible? It's a big old black book. People used to know what was in it. You don't have to believe all that religious nonsense but unless you know your Bible, you can barely know your culture.

IF you're strapped for cash and your kids are still tiny and impressionable, you could probably take them to Rutland Water, which extends over 3,000 acres, for a day and convince them it was the seaside. I had a colleague whose child was four before she twigged that the "Alton Towers" her father took her to every weekend was actually a car wash.

SOME versions of this column a couple of days ago suggested the politician who saved Britain from joining the euro was Tony Blair. It was, of course, Gordon Brown. My apologies, if any are due.

IT was a bad enough shock to hear that our 1950s cowboy hero Ty Hardin has just died aged 87. But the greater shock was to discover his real name. The man we remember as rootin' tootin' Bronco Layne was Orison Whipple Hungerford Jr.

AS we know by now, some child-abuse rings dominated by Muslims, like the one in Rochdale, were ignored for years by cops, social workers and councillors who were terrified of being branded racist. And yet, even after that warning, it can be tempting to ignore anything vaguely "ethnic". Take the BBC's reporting of the conviction of the family in Lincolnshire who kept labourers in a state of modern slavery. While the Beeb's Radio 4 News and the BBC website informed us that this was a traveller family, the main BBC television news at 6pm studiously ignored it, referring simply to "a family" or "a clan." The fact that this was a traveller outfit was relevant. The accused lived on traveller sites and made money in traditional traveller trades such as asphalting. So why not mention the T-word? Probably because some politically-correct hack at the Beeb thought it was unnecessary, racist and, that most mealy-mouthed of words, unhelpful. When there's a cultural dimension, it's always easier to look away. Just like the authorities did in Rochdale. Another useful old saying springs to mind. Tell the truth and shame the devil.

A CLOSE look at the neo-Nazi marchers in Charlottesville reveals the usual snarling, dead-eyed losers you see at any far-right gathering. Whenever you meet the Master Race, it's always a disappointment.