Peter Rhodes: The magic's in the acting

SO farewell, Peter Sallis, the Last of the Summer Wine star who has died at a ripe old 96. Roy Clarke, creator of the long-running comedy, says he always gave Sallis the best lines. But did he? Truthfully, does any script writer know which are the best lines until they are actually spoken?

TAKE that magical moment from Dinnerladies when one upmarket office worker approaches Jean (Anne Reid) at the canteen counter and asks: “What would happen if I were to order a herbal tea?” “Nothing,” replies Jean. On paper, Victoria Wood's script is not even amusing. But delivered by Reid, the single word “nothing” is one of the funniest moments in sitcoms – the verbal equivalent of Del Boy falling through the hatch in the pub counter.

I RECALL a colleague who, many years ago, had sight of the script of a Morecambe & Wise Christmas Special before it was broadcast, He said there was not a single funny line in it - until Eric and Ernie got their hands on it. The magic is in the delivery and Peter Sallis worked the magic wonderfully. (Mind you, Gromit got all the best stunts).

HAVE you noticed how unfashionable tans have become? Until the 20th century, a sun-bronzed skin was regarded as the mark of the dirt-poor agricultural labourer. The aristocracy were pale and the middle classes tried to imitate their paleness. But when Hollywood came to dominate British culture, a tan became the mark of the rich and famous. Today, the pendulum seems to be swinging back thanks, presumably, to skin-cancer scares and the reluctance of young people to venture outdoors when they could be gaming or texting at home. It can only be a matter of time before those of us who choose to tan will be accused of cultural appropriation. Pretending to be an Italian, are we?

THE owners of Hamerton Zoo in Cambridgeshire have decided not to destroy the tiger that killed its keeper, Rosa King, on May 29. That seems a wise decision. You can't kill a tiger simply for being a tiger. The issue here seems to be that, for all her experience with big cats, Rosa regarded the tigers as her friends.

AS the era of self-driving cars approaches, Amanda Blanc, head of the insurance giant Axa UK, predicts that some people born this year may never be required to pass a driving test. Frankly, it sometimes seems that half of those using the roads never did.

ANYWAY, the Daily Telegraph, reporting Blanc's views, takes the line that premiums “will likely plunge in line with lower accident rates.” Does anyone actually believe this? For years the insurance industry has been promising lower premiums but the only way is up. They are having a laugh, which may explain why most of the celebrities appearing in insurance adverts are comedians.

YOU will have noticed that this column is an election-free zone. There is no law banning newspaper comment on election days and certainly no edict from above. But after all these weeks of yah-booing, I think we've all had enough. Agreed?