Express & Star

Peter Rhodes: Kenny Everett at 70?

PETER RHODES on how a legend might have survived. Plus a suspicious rise in domestic abuse and complaints in restaurants.

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HIS week's report showing a shocking 30 per cent rise in cases of domestic abuse over the past two years seems to reflect a country gone mad. Why are spouses suddenly knocking hell out of each other? The answer is that they are probably not. Is it more about definitions?

IN times gone by, police had little doubt about what constituted domestic abuse. The evidence was usually a tearful, battered wife and a drunken slob of a husband. Things have changed. All sorts of relationships are now covered by the law. Crucially, three years ago, the official definition of domestic abuse was amended. It is now: "Any incident of threatening behaviour, violence or abuse (psychological, physical, sexual, financial or emotional) between adults who are or have been intimate partners or family members, regardless of gender or sexuality." In other words, just about anything.

THE definition specifically includes abuse between ex-partners. In the entire history of humankind, has there ever been a man or woman dumped by a lover who did not feel emotionally abused?

I AM reminded of the old-fashioned copper in Wolverhampton I interviewed many years ago who was reflecting wistfully on policing in the 1950s which seemed to involve punching an awful lot of villains. He unblushingly described the process for dealing with men who abused children and women: "There were ways to deal with that. We had a wonderful chap, the NSPCC Cruelty Inspector. He'd let us know if he was going along to lecture someone and ask for a constable to accompany him. And then they'd lecture him - Black Country fashion.'' It wasn't all kindly old George Dixon.

THE World According to Kenny Everett (ITV) was an affectionate tribute to a wonderfully clever and inventive DJ and comedian who died of Aids in 1995. In the closing minutes it left us with the thought that, thanks to rapid advances in treating HIV, if Everett had become infected just a little later, he might well have survived. In that alternative universe he would now be preparing to celebrate his 71st birthday on Christmas Day. I can't quite imagine a 70-year-old Kenny Everett, can you? The only good thing about dying young is that you are forever young.

"A PEACOCK display of repulsive 21st century entitlement" is how one columnist recently described the modern growth in complaining about restaurant food. Diners have always sent back gristly, badly-cooked or suspiciously smelly meals, and rightly so. But the new trend is to decide, usually half-way through the course, that you actually wanted something else from the menu, and to make a scene in the hope that the manager will cave in and either provide another course or reduce the bill. I recently bumped into old friends who had dined out with a pair of compulsive complainers, and very embarrassing it was, too. The low point came when one of them alleged there was "too much ice-cream" with the sweet.

I AM always wary of complaining about meals, thanks to the TV series, Friends. You may recall Rachel (Jennifer Aniston) describing how one moaning customer got a little something extra in his meal. She called it a "sneeze muffin." And in response to the latest furore, one blogger reported: "I paid my way through college working as a kitchen hand in a well known restaurant. I know what happens to the food of unreasonable customers before it gets served to them. I wouldn't complain and then eat the replacement dish if I were you." You have been warned.

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