Dunno, maybe they don't fancy spending the weekend in a muddy field, queuing to defecate in a trench with tattooed, purple-haired gap-year students called Jemima and Tarquin?
Let's be honest, most normal white people would sooner cut off their ears with a soldering iron than waste their money camping with a bunch of pretentious eco-warriors, paying rip-off prices for ghastly "street food" just so they can catch a distant glimpse of some superannuated old rockers, and hear them through muffled loudspeakers in much poorer sound quality than on the record player at home.
No, I didn't get a ticket, either.
* * *
You all geared up for the rail strike? Me too. A whole week of being unable to get to work by train. A bit like the past week, really. And the one before that. Because, like most people outside London, Birmingham or the other big cities, I'm not really served by the rail network.
Forgive my cynicism, but I'm finding it quite hard to sympathise with people earning almost double the average wage when they demand an 11 per cent pay rise on top. And a guarantee of no compulsory redundancies.
Yes, inflation is high, but it is for all of us. And I suspect most of us know what the reaction would be if we demanded an 11 per cent pay hike.
More to the point, the average train driver's wage has risen by almost half over the past 10 years, from £42,482 in 2011 to £59,198 last year. That's 20 times the increase the average worker has seen over that time. No wonder tickets are so expensive.
The phrase "quit while you're ahead" springs to mind.
* * *
Art teacher Emily Wright has been banned from the classroom following a project where 15-year-old girls took topless pictures of themselves, and others simulated acts which cannot be described in a family paper.
A furious Mrs Wright says education watchdogs have "no understanding of art or education", but I suspect they are not alone. Am I alone in being nostalgic for the days when art teachers stuck to teaching kids to paint?
* * *
Remember the Prime Minister's promise of "fluorescent-jacketed chain gangs", where criminals would be forced to publicly pay for their anti-social crimes?
Well it emerged this week that even villains doing community service are now being allowed to work from home. Talk about soft on crime.
* * *
Radio phone-in presenters have been making hay following the resignation of the hitherto unknown Lord Geidt as Boris Johnson's ethics adviser, inviting listeners to come up with his suggestion of who is successor should be.
I would have thought that was obvious. Joey Ethics.