Congratulations to James O'Brien, the Kidderminster-born voice of woke, liberal Britain.
The LBC phone-in host – who starts each show with a 15-minute monologue about how people only voted for Brexit because they are not as well-informed as he is, or how listening to different opinions on climate change is akin to talking through the wrong end of a microphone – has seen his listening figures shoot through the roof. Indeed, as he has modestly pointed out a few thousand times, his mid-morning show has now overtaken the breakfast show, traditionally the most popular slot when people listen in their cars on the way to work.
Now there are two possible reasons for this. It could be that James has truly tapped into the national mood, and Britain really is a country riven by angst over the use of pronouns and the impact of historic statues on their mental health. Or could it be that large swathes of his core audience – public-sector pen-pushers obsessed with their "work-life balance" – are actually listening to the radio when they are supposed to be "working from home" due to the pandemic?
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The university trigger-warning madness continues unabated, with Little House on the Prairie now targeted by leaders at Cambridge University.
Now I confess to having never read Little House on the Prairie. I recall it being in the school library when I was about eight, but even then it was a bit too childish for me. So the mind boggles at why students at Cambridge are studying it for their degrees.
Anyhow, university chiefs flagged concerns about the book's "stereotypical depiction of Native Americans", adding that the warning will "help students who have experienced violence".
Which begs the question: how many Native Americans with experience of violence are studying at Cambridge University?
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Britain is on track to become the fattest country in Europe within the next few years thanks to a "Deliveroo culture", where people slob around at home ordering dinner on their mobile phone. According to the appropriately named Tam Fry, chairman of the National Obesity Forum, primary-school kids are even using phone apps to have pizzas delivered to the classroom.
Meanwhile, our high streets are going to rack and ruin as the nation embraces internet shopping.
At this rate, there will soon be no reason for people to venture outside the house. A nation of tubsters working from home, shopping online and pigging out on kebabs ordered through a phone app while listening to James O'Brien. What a heartening vision for Britain's future.