Toby Neal: Bold as brass Boris, the business basher

Big Blameless Boris Bashes Business.

The PM searches for policies amid the jokes
The PM searches for policies amid the jokes

Boris was speaking as head scumbag of the Tory scum, to use the term coined by raise-the-tone Rayner.

Now that the party conferences of the major parties are over, we can compare notes. Boris Johnson didn't say anything and didn't announce anything, but he had the best jokes.

Crisis? What crisis? It's the bosses wot's to blame anyway, we learned.

Sir Keir Starmer got up and outlined his vision. Here it is in summary: "I am not Jeremy Corbyn." And as if to prove it, he was heckled by Left wingers.

The Lib Dems also had a party conference.

Now we await the biggie, the Green Party autumn conference, which is in Birmingham later this month.

The Greens are on the crest of a wave and it will be interesting to see if their tone is celebratory or sombre, given the stream of wonderful news of late teaching us all a lesson about our over-reliance on fossil fuels.

Green hurrah – lots of airline workers, gullible accomplices in the climate change disaster, have been thrown out of work and are now available to fill thousands of vacant roles picking crops.

Green hooray – household gas prices are about to soar through the roof, encouraging people to switch from planet-destroying fossil fuels to renewable sources and to conserve precious energy by getting better insulation from the sales team on the M25.

Green huzzah – once motorists in polluting combustion-engined cars have escaped the forecourt queues they will realise the error of their ways and flock to buy electric cars at bargain prices of £30,000-plus each.

Oh yes, one thing we did take from the conferences is Boris' call for higher wages and high skills as the way of moving forward.

He may well be right. We may have to bite the bullet and pay our politicians more if we are to hope to get more capable politicians with greater skills. Pay peanuts and you get monkeys, as they say.

For instance the Prime Minister, who is trying his hand as boss of UK Ltd, is paid a fraction of that paid to bosses of much smaller companies in business. He is cheap labour brought in from America. No wonder politics fails to attract candidates of the calibre of, say, Sir Richard Branson.

And paying MPs more would mean they would not have to indulge in business activities outside their Parliamentary work as a means to supplement their meagre £82,000-a-year income (plus expenses).

The star turn of the conferences and probably the main thing people will remember was Angela Rayner's hate speech rant directed at the Tory "bunch of scum" and Eton College, although I looked it up and there is a distinct shortage of Old Etonians in the Cabinet at the moment, and things are so bad that they're even letting in Wykehamists to fill the gaps.

It's all right though because she is from Ooop North (Stockport, actually, which isn't all that Ooop North) and tells us that they speak like that up there and call each other scum and mean nothing by it because “it’s a phrase that you would hear very often in northern working class towns that we’d even say it jovially to other people."

I don't recommend you jovially say it to other people on the terraces (okay, seats) of Stockport County because I suspect that you wouldn't wake up for three weeks.

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