Andy Richardson: 'So we can all look forward to herring and chips. Great.'

How funny. Boris Johnson described devolution as a disaster; Tony Blair’s biggest mistake.

Herring
Herring

So Robert Jenrick went onto TV to say that those comments were nonsense. Oh no, no. Boris didn’t mean that after all. Except, of course, he did. Boris is the fastest accelerant of the break-up of the Union because the Scots hate him. Mr Jenrick ploughed on, telling Sky TV there shouldn’t be a referendum – exactly the same thing that Nicola Sturgeon said about Brexit.

Still, at least Boris has a couple of weeks to himself after going into self-isolation. Good to see so many pictures of him wearing a mask as Ministers encourage us to do just that. He can concentrate on turning on the cooker so that the oven-ready Brexit deal he promised us is done by the end of the week. Lovely. Set the table and we’ll all come round, socially-distanced, of course.

Brexit is floundering, no pun intended, over fishing rights, among other things. And if ever you wanted a better example of things not being thought through, then this is it. Around 40 per cent of the British fishing fleet crew are foreign nationals, but from January 1 they won’t be able to get visas.

No matter, the remaining 60 per cent can, erm, work harder. They won’t, of course, be able to sell their fish to Europe, which is a little bit tricky as 75 per cent of the catch is exported, erm, mostly to Europe. A large proportion of that unexportable catch is herring, which Europe loves and Britain hates. So we can all look forward to herring and chips. Great. Tell the owner of the local chippie.

Of course, the catch that can still be exported will be spending 48 hours on the docks, due to the transport issues with Europe. So when it arrives, it may smell a little fishy and get turned back. But let’s not worry about that. We’ll also be eating plenty of lamb, because the tariffs likely to be imposed on sheep farmers will make their industry no longer viable, unless they sell to the home market. So for all the hoopla about protecting farms and fishers, we’re about to kill swathes of those industries. Still, who cares about those details. BoJo is the man.

The deal is oven-ready and Boris has plenty of time in the Dysfunction Street kitchen. His plan to save Christmas isn’t going to happen, of course, and we’re at the back of the queue for the world’s best new Covid vaccine. Ho ho.

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