Mark Andrews on Saturday: Blackouts, Bale-outs and burn-outs

Read the latest musings from Mark Andrews.

Piers Morgan
Piers Morgan

If you are finding life tough at the moment, please spare a thought for those less fortunate.

Gareth Bale's agent Jonathan Barnett says his client has been badly treated by Real Madrid, presumably because he was sometimes dropped by his manager and booed by Madrid fans when his performances didn't come up to expectations. Worst of all, though, he was only paid £650,000 a week for his efforts, which must be difficult.

Fortunately, he has been given an escape route back to Tottenham, where I'm sure he will receive the adulation he deserves. At least until he turns in a couple of lacklustre performances, and finds that fans in north London can be every bit as unreasonable as those in Spain.

So to all those needlessly fretting about the prospect of imminent unemployment and paying the bills when the money runs out, please think about Gareth and remember how lucky you are.

Poor Gareth

The Welsh couple whose old television set caused an internet blackout at seven o'clock every morning have come in for a bit of ribbing. And given that they used it to tune into Piers Morgan every morning, perhaps that is understandable.

But given that their £30 Bush set was working fine, and that it was the broadband system that kept crashing, isn't the real joke on the people who installed such a fragile network?

Despite studiously filling out a form on every website I use declining to share my personal data, I'm still bombarded on a daily basis with tedious adverts telling me that if I drive a diesel Mercedes I might be entitled to compensation. I don't. It's petrol, all right? And presumably doesn't cause anywhere near enough pollution to justify a cash bonanza.

But surely, if these diesel Mercedes really are so harmful to our environment, it should be their drivers who are paying out cash to the rest of us?

Come on Rishi, do something for the car industry

Meanwhile, our great giveaway Chancellor has announced another load of freebies to support industries struggling to survive the pandemic. Which is all well and good, but sooner or later somebody is going to have to pay for all this, we can't keep living on the never-never.

Some have said the Government should be more targeted in where it directs its help, and I would agree.

For a start, I would like to see more money targeted at the central heating industry. How about a 'get-a-new-boiler-to-help-out' scheme, where any householder who needs to replace an old boiler gets the work done free of charge?

And obviously, more needs to be done to help Gareth Bale.

Most of all, though, the pandemic has decimated the West Midland car industry, with Warwickshire-based Aston Martin losing £119 million in just three months. So how about it, Rishi? Free Astons for everybody in the Black Country. Burn out to help out. I'd vote for that.

What's more, this plan is fully costed. Just stick extra taxes on those dirty-diesel Mercedes drivers.

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