Mark Andrews on Saturday: Shuttered shops, woke gifts and glass ceilings

In a bid to revive our flagging high streets, Boris Johnson has announced that half a million independent shops, restaurants and pubs will benefit from a cut in business rates, saving them up to £12,500 a year.

I fear it will not be enough. While the political classes may have romantic notions about artisan bakeries and specialist bookshops, the reality in most towns is that the independent shopkeepers live a hand-to-mouth existence feeding off the footfall generated by the big anchor stores. You can offer the independents all the incentives you like, but if the big boys close, they don’t have a hope.

Perhaps the answer is a complete reversal of the way business rates are calculated. The valuation system is based on the outdated notion that town centre sites should be charged extra as their location gives them an edge. That is surely no longer the case.

Assuming we consider a vibrant high street to be a good thing, the system should be revised to incentivise this. That means charging higher rates for internet warehouses and out-of-town shopping malls, and tax breaks for traditional town centres.

The need for urgent action on the high street became evident when I started my Christmas shopping yesterday. That’s right, I am a strict follower of the etiquette that one should never even think about Christmas more than a week before the day itself. I’ve always found it rather unseemly the way some people start planning the festivities before we’ve even got Bonfire Night out of the way.

Anyhow, as I went around buying my presents, I noticed how the shops seemed quieter than ever. The pound shop was deserted.

Then again, I’ve just read in The Guardian that the ‘woke’ thing to do this Christmas is to give out second-hand gifts, which sounds a great idea to me. I’m sure today’s youngsters would be far happier if they ditched their iPads for an Etch-a-Sketch, or their iPhones for a Viewmaster.

Anyhow, I hope all my loved ones appreciate my contribution to a sustainable future, and are pleased with their Showaddywaddy annual and Silver Jubilee biscuit tin.

Short-lived Liberal Democrat leader Jo Swinson after the loss of her seat: "One of the realities of smashing glass ceilings is that a lot of broken glass comes down on your head.”

Hmm. And a few chips settle on the shoulder, by the sound of things.

Besides, what glass ceiling is Jo Swinson supposed to have smashed? She wasn’t even born when we had our first female prime minister in 1979, and off the top of my head I can recall at least six female party leaders in the past few years. On the other hand, she is probably the first political leader to have a man dressed as a bee super-glued to the front of her battle bus. Perhaps she really meant she had smashed the glass windscreen.