Toby Neal: Carrie, Cressida and Boris in spring's drama line-up

The BBC drama department has announced its exciting new line-up for the spring, and here is an exclusive preview of the programmes you can expect to see.

1 CLEMMIE. The story of Clementine Churchill, the sensible guiding hand behind the capricious man, and revealing her part in the victory at El-Alamein. Warning: contains scenes of a distressing nature to art lovers and fans of Graham Sutherland paintings. Starring Maxine Peake.

2 CARRIE. Maxine Peake takes the lead in this astonishing true story of one woman's role in the heart of government. As men in power around her lose her heads, Carrie takes charge and holds the nation together in a time of crisis. A complex and intriguing saga with scenes of dancing and partying true to the period. Sponsored by Monty Snodgrass painting and decorating of Tipton.

3 CRESSIDA. They said it could never be done. How one woman reached the top but whose career ended in disgrace and resignation when the infamous report of March 2022 highlighted egregious (buzz word) failures and omissions in policing at a high profile central London address which is so heavily policed it even has cops with guns standing on the doorstep. You'll find yourselves shouting at the screen: Why did they never look inside?

4 CAMILLA. She came from a humble background without butlers, but acquired a prestigious double-barrelled name by marrying a scion of a leading Shropshire family. Her life path seemed set, but her handsome prince was waiting, hoping. Would they ever find love? And would she ever become his Queen? Get out the tissues as you follow every episode and get ready for (spoiler alert) a happy ending in this heartwarming tale of romance. Maxine Peake stars in some episodes, but only a few as she's starring in everything else as well and is rather busy.

5 CHLOE. Chloe is dead, but Becky is determined to find out the truth. Determined to find out something, anyway. Frankly I couldn't follow it and turned over. Don't let that put you off, as it's got wonderful reviews from the critics. There again, they get paid to watch.

6 CALLAN. In this modern reworking of a classic TV series, Davina Callan is a tough, no-nonsense agent often at war with her superiors and prepared to break the rules to get results.

7 GET BORIS! Set in a Britain in the grip of a cult sparked by millions of deluded voters from Ooop North who breed whippets and read the side of buses. A group of heroic freedom fighters under the banner SNOB –Society to Nobble Orful Boris (see our new Dictionary Corner feature on page 93) – set out to correct this abhorrent historical aberration. The sinister cult leader is described as a racist, sexist, misogynist, adulterous, neo-Nazi, Hitler type and serial liar scumbag who stoops so low as calling his political opponents names.

He is so disbelieved that all his statements are flagged up as "false" on BBC news bulletins so that stupid members of the public don't get fooled, a safeguard only ever used on one previous leader, Donald Trump, because as we know all other politicians are noble spear-carriers for truth and honesty. Things come to a head on a day of national outrage when the saintly Sir Keir Starmer is heckled in the street by members of the public.

Stars Maxine Peake as Dominic Cummings (she made time) and Suranne Jones in a wig as Boris.

8 THE THATCHER YEARS. This major new drama series is a groundbreaking re-assessment of the 1980s under the reign of Margaret Thatcher, Britain's first woman Prime Minister. Shot mainly on location at Greenham Common and Barnsley. Written and produced by special guest director Arthur Scargill.

9 PICTURE OF EVIL – THE ERIC MORLEY STORY. An X-rated horror show of how an exploitative monster corrupted millions of gullible television viewers in the shameful 1970s with a "competition" which involved parading young women from around the world wearing only swimsuits before a team of "judges" who asked them their views on world peace. You will be so repulsed that it is advisable not to eat immediately beforehand.

10 WOMEN GET NAKED! A light-hearted new game show with young women paraded totally naked but with their faces covered in front of laddish judges who freely comment on their bodies and get to choose the naked female contestant they would most like to sleep with. All harmless good-natured fun for the enlightened woke 21st century generation.

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