11 descriptions of professions that make them sound much dodgier than they are
‘I hand out drugs and sometimes stab people.’
How can you describe your legal, legitimate job so it sounds illegal or sketchy?
This is the question a Reddit user posed to their fellows, and some of the best answers redefine professions – to troubling and fiercely entertaining effect.
1. Funeral director
2. Photography instructor, from user andotis0105
“I instruct people on how to efficiently shoot other people in a variety of situations.”
4. Pharmacist, from user victorkilosierralpha
“I literally do nothing but sell drugs all day.”
6. Lawyer, from user FdBM
“I mislead judges.”
7. Airline pilot
8. Insurance seller, from user W0mbatJuice
“You throw us some money every year & we promise to protect you. That is, if you read carefully…”
9. School IT technician
10. Masseuse instructor, protegomyeggo
“I teach people (some as young as 18) how to lie a person on a table and touch their naked body in all the right ways, then collect money for it.”
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