11 descriptions of professions that make them sound much dodgier than they are

Lifestyle | Published:

‘I hand out drugs and sometimes stab people.’

A nurse with a syringe

How can you describe your legal, legitimate job so it sounds illegal or sketchy?

This is the question a Reddit user posed to their fellows, and some of the best answers redefine professions – to troubling and fiercely entertaining effect.

1. Funeral director

Stranger Things Funeral GIF - Find & Share on GIPHY

2. Photography instructor, from user andotis0105

“I instruct people on how to efficiently shoot other people in a variety of situations.”

Photography GIF - Find & Share on GIPHY


3. Firefighter

Door Help GIF - Find & Share on GIPHY

4. Pharmacist, from user victorkilosierralpha


“I literally do nothing but sell drugs all day.”

Shocked Scientist GIF by South Park - Find & Share on GIPHY

5. Nurse

Drama Discussion GIF - Find & Share on GIPHY

6. Lawyer, from user FdBM

“I mislead judges.”

Sarcastic Jim Carrey GIF by Cheezburger - Find & Share on GIPHY

7. Airline pilot

Happy Well Done GIF - Find & Share on GIPHY

8. Insurance seller, from user W0mbatJuice

“You throw us some money every year & we promise to protect you. That is, if you read carefully…”

Anxiety Insurance GIF by People of Earth TBS - Find & Share on GIPHY

9. School IT technician

Computer Hacking GIF - Find & Share on GIPHY

10. Masseuse instructor, protegomyeggo

“I teach people (some as young as 18) how to lie a person on a table and touch their naked body in all the right ways, then collect money for it.”

Cat Tap GIF - Find & Share on GIPHY

11. Bartender

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