Express & Star

We won't share the pound

Blogger of the Year PETER RHODES on Miliband versus Salmond, the "truth" about the Middle East and something the cat dragged in.

Published

IGNORE the frenetic, wall-to-wall coverage, the breathless interviews, the glossy magazine spreads. Trust me, it is perfectly possible to live a full, rich and rewarding life without watching a single episode of The Great British Bake-Off.

I'M off to France next month and my travel insurance has just arrived. The small print begins: "The sums set out below are if you are travelling alone, with a partner and alone or with a partner and your dependent children." Then it starts to get really complicated.

A SUDDEN thunderous roar, a vast, swelling cloud of golden dust and something the size of a house moves majestically past the window, shaking the earth. Combine harvesters aren't getting any smaller, are they?

SO far, Alex Salmond's vision of an independent Scotland is based on the jolly notion that England and Scotland will part amicably, with England magnanimously giving the Scots all they desire in terms of currency, debt, shipyard orders and border arrangements. But why should we? The break-up of the United Kingdom is like a divorce in which one partner doesn't even get a vote. Now, to his credit, Ed Miliband says bluntly that the next Labour manifesto will rule out sharing the pound with a separate Scotland. By now, even the most blue-faced, kilt-swinging nationalists must be beginning to realise that if the Scots vote for independence, it is the English who will dictate exactly what sort of independence they get.

(BUT they won't vote for independence. My forecast for next month's referendum is the same as it has always been: about one-third of those on the electoral roll will vote for independence and the motion will be defeated by a hefty majority).

EBENEZER Scrooge said anyone who uttered "Merry Christmas" should be boiled with his own pudding, and buried with a stake of holly through his heart. May I suggest something similar for those who, when their fete / garden party / open day / carnival is washed out, insist on telling the media that "the rain didn't dampen our spirits." Of course it did. Rain is probably the wettest stuff to fall from the sky. It dampens everything it touches and if it didn't dampen your spirits, then there is clearly something seriously wrong with you. My award for the honest truth goes to the first organiser who says: "Everyone is thoroughly ****** off and the whole day was utter ****, since you ask, and I bet you don't put that in the paper."

SADDAM Hussein has weapons of mass destruction. There's going to be a massacre in Benghazi. President Assad is despised by his people and will be overthrown in weeks. Have you noticed that every time we either go to war or are tempted to go to war in the Middle East, we find out later that the reasons for going to war are bunkum? It may well be that the Islamic State is crucifying Christians and burying women and children alive, as claimed at the weekend. But before we risk a single RAF bomber over Iraq can we at least ensure we are dealing with the truth and not with a Dodgy Dossier Mk 2?

A NUMBER of readers have inquired how to buy a ceramic poppy from the display at the Tower of London, as I recommended last week. The website is here.

THROUGH the cat flap. An occasional item on things your moggies drag in. A lady reports the arrival of a pheasant.

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