Peter Rhodes: Why Traingate really matters

CRYSTAL-ball department. On July 6 this column advised kids upset by the Brexit vote not to take German nationality because "National service may be suspended at present but who knows what the future may bring? If you think Brexit will muck up your glittering career plans, how about two years in the Luftwaffe?" This week the German government says it is considering reintroducing conscription. Now, what size boots do you take, sonny?

MEANWHILE, anyone could have predicted where the French ban on Muslim burkinis on some beaches would lead. The revolting images this week of French cops ordering Muslim women to remove items of clothing are the best recruiting posters Islamic State ever had.

SO the seats on the "ram-packed" train used by Jeremy Corbyn merely look empty on the CCTV. The view from the other side, according to Jez's supporters, would have shown them occupied by children or others whose heads are hidden below the headrests. As claims and counter-claims emerge, I can see this ending in court, with the short, hidden persons being called to give evidence. Anyone else reminded of the curious case of the 12 Red-Bearded Dwarfs, heard before Justice Cocklecarrot in the legendary Beachcomber column all those years ago?

LEST we forget, the ranks of the Twelve Red-Bearded Dwarfs included Scorpion de Rooftrouser, Cleveland Zackhouse, Frums Gillygottle, Badly Oronparser and Farjole Merrybody. Newspaper columns were different in those days. I suspect columnists had longer lunch breaks.

THE most sensible comment on Corbyn's train journey comes from his Labour comrade, Harriet Harman: "He's got a campaign team – you would have thought they would have booked him a seat." Quite.

THE mystery is why the so-called Tory press are making Corbyn out to be a duffer or a liar over Traingate, and thus damaging his chances of being re-elected leader. The longer Corbyn leads the Labour Party, the happier the Tories will be.

AND for those who say such incidents are trivial and of no interest, in less than 24 hours Traingate generated almost 20,000 comments on the Guardian website. It's little things like Traingate, Jennifer's Ear and Gordon Brown's "bigoted woman" remark that win and lose general elections. From now on, whenever Corbyn is seen anywhere near empty seats, the lethal sniggering will begin. If Parliament were not in recess and David Cameron were still in No 10, he would have ripped Corbyn to shreds in Prime Minister's Questions.

RETURNING to the star-gazing theme that opened this column, anyone could have predicted that the BBC would not cover the most interesting post-Olympics story of all, even though it has been fully reported by every newspaper from the Star to the Times. Usain Bolt, your reputation is safe with our state censor, Auntie Beeb.

NOR do you need a crystal ball to guess that a big slice of the money sent to the Italian earthquake relief fund will end up providing new villas and limos for some charming elderly gentlemen in Sicily.