More deaths than dead people

"WE try to ensure that there is no behaviour, language or imagery which could be considered racist, sexist, homophobic, transphobic or ablest." Student Union spokesperson explaining why students at the University of East Anglia have been asked not to wear "stereotypical" sombreros handed out by a Mexican restaurant.

"WHO'S going to be offended – Speedy Gonzales?" Unnamed student, miffed at the above ruling.

THE Drama Channel has replayed the entire 1995 BBC adaptation of Pride and Prejudice to mark its 20th anniversary. The big surprise is to discover online that Jennifer Ehle, the definitive English rose who played Elizabeth Bennet, was actually born in North Carolina and speaks with an American accent, y'all.

MY German diesel is rated at 40 miles per gallon. God knows how much I may have been short-changed by the emissions-fiddling scandal, and how much compensation the blighters owe me. So I filled the tank, recorded the total mileage and divided it by the gallons consumed, which is the only true test of any car's fuel consumption. It does not do 40mpg. It does 41.25mpg. Do I owe them?

A READER is outraged that I should treat the VW scandal lightly, telling me: "Air pollution accounts for some 50,000 premature deaths a year in the UK." Really? Name them. Look at the NHS statistics and you'll find a breakdown of the causes of all the 500,000 or so deaths each year in the UK. Heart disease, largely attributed to smoking, high blood pressure, diabetes and cholesterol, is the biggest cause of male deaths while Alzheimer's and dementia are the biggest causes of female deaths. The oft-quoted figure of 30,000 (not 50,000) air-pollution deaths appears nowhere in any official figures. It is an estimate used by pressure groups. And while they are doubtless sincere and doing a fine job, if you added up all the deaths claimed by all the various groups campaigning for every medical condition, you will probably find far more deaths than there are dead people.

IN his Conference speech Jeremy Corbyn looked just like my Uncle Sidney, a stern headmaster in Yorkshire. Sidney was an old-fashioned socialist, proud owner of a succession of Hillman Minxes and a man of fierce principles. I can see him now, arguing with my teenaged brother buying a Fiat saloon and then daring to defend foreign cars when, as Uncle Sidney knew full well, British cars were the finest damned cars in the world. "You think you know," the old man thundered, voice shaking, spittle flying everywhere as he waved a furious finger in my brother's face. "But you don't know. You don't know." A few months later our highly principled Uncle Sidney bought a Renault and no-one dared say anything.

THE death toll at last week's Hajj disaster is now reckoned to be over 1,000. Saudi Arabia's most senior cleric insists that the crush was "beyond human control." Nonsense. It wouldn't have happened in Disneyland.

UNIVERSITY Challenge (BBC2) reminded us that Westward Ho! in Devon is the only British place name with an exclamation mark. Mind you, there is a famous Surrey village that could use one. The campaign for Effingham! starts here.

ANY other UK places need an exclamation mark? Let me know.