'I didn't want to live without my little girl': Mother finds strength to help others after tragic loss of baby daughter

When her baby daughter died suddenly, Marisa Paterson found it impossible to imagine life without her.

As she hit rock bottom, she even contemplated ending her own life.

"I didn't want to be here," she said. "I would go to the church quite a lot and I would say to God, 'if you're going to take me, take me now'.

"I know what it's like when you don't want to live.

"I didn't want to live without my little girl."

Somehow she found the strength to go on and now she is to help people who are battling the suicidal thoughts she once had – by becoming a counsellor at the Women and Families Resource Centre in Chapel Ash.

Miss Paterson's life was shattered after nine-month-old Bella died from a heart defect in 2012.

She found herself plunged into post traumatic stress but as she emerged, she threw herself into campaigning for pulse oximeters to be made compulsory at New Cross Hospital.

She said: "Bella had a heart defect, a faulty valve. They don't do scans to check for that sort of thing in babies.

"Her heart stopped in the middle of the night. I found her in the morning, I tried to resuscitate her but it was too late.

"I suffered from post traumatic stress for six months after it happened. I kept having nightmares about it and waking up in the night."

Miss Paterson remembers Bella being the 'most beautiful little girl' and always full of happiness.

"People said to me that she was an angel, she wasn't meant to be here," she said.

"After Bella died I had counselling. The first thing they said to me was 'do you cry?'.

"I'd just buried my daughter, what did they think? They had probably never had children.

"That's not the sort of counselling you want. I hit rock bottom, and it's a cold, dark and lonely place. I don't want anybody to feel that way, I want to stop people from going to the basement."

Miss Paterson currently volunteers for the charity as an outreach support worker but the specialist advice and guidance course at the University of Wolverhampton, which she is embarking on in November, will see her qualified at the end of the month.

She said: "Most of our volunteers have life experience. The manager is a survivor of domestic violence. Suicide is a major issue, people always forget about the family left behind.

"We want to do what we can to prevent it and work with families to help people recover."

Miss Paterson is hoping to raise awareness for the Women and Families Resource Centre and wants more people to know that help is there for them should they need it.

The charity, which has been established for seven years, offers support to women and families suffering hardship, poverty and ill health.

The centre can provide information and resource services, advice and guidance, befriending, counselling, parenting coaching, mediation services, women's chat groups, cookery sessions, health and wellbeing events, employment training and volunteering, a student hub, orientation activities, performing arts and sports, a student hub and girls self esteem workshops.

Miss Paterson added: "Not enough people know about us. There are more staff than volunteers a lot of the time.

"It's such a brilliant charity and we want to reach out and help as many people as we can.

"We don't care where you're from, your race, religion, age or gender. If you need our help get in touch with us."

The charity is based at 3 Chapel Ash, on the first and second floors.

For further information the centre can be contacted on 01902 219797.