Cold calling is bad enough but when it’s in the middle of the night I really do draw the line, writes Dan Wainwright.

Picture the scene. I’m lying there in bed. Actually, no, forget that. You don’t want to imagine me in my jim jams. You’re lying there in bed, it’s 2am and you’re just on the verge of dreaming. Then your mobile starts to ring. All sorts of things start to run through your sleep-addled mind. What’s that noise? What time is it? Where did that desert island go that I was living on with the French film star Audrey Tautou and an army of her clones?

As quickly as the phone began to ring it stopped, which was a shame as my girlfriend had already nudged me to tell me she had seen it light up. The number was 0843 2080592. It looked pretty official and I thought I ought to call it back. Fortunately for me sleep caught up and I ended up back on the dream island, only this time it was populated by Sandwell Council traffic wardens and I woke up again, screaming.

Google is a marvellous tool. In the sober light of day I entered the number into the search engine and found that there was no company using it. Instead I was taken to a website, www.whocallsme.com

It’s a forum that does exactly what it says on the tin. Lots of people enter a number that has called them and ask each other if they know who it belongs to. In this instance about half a dozen people reported the same problem at the same time. Other than a show of solidarity there appeared to be little other point to the website and its origins are as mysterious as the numbers users have entered. Spurred on by wanting to become some sort of ring leader I called the number – from work. I don’t think the editor will mind, I was doing it in the pursuit of a story. Honest. It turned out to be a crackly recording offering me some sort of prize draw.

Now is that really worth waking me up for at 2am? Whatever happened to the good old days where human beings, in the same time zone as you, used to just go through the phone book and ring you while you were at work and therefore weren’t in to answer? What I find an absolute cheek is that the people behind this irritating little gizmo have clearly decided they want to hedge their bets and have rung a large number of people all at once, only to hang up on everyone after one person picks up.

I pity that individual who, stirred from his or her slumber and probably worried sick about what had happened to an elderly relative to receive a call at this hour, was told they might have won half a time share in Tenerife if they stay on the line long enough and wouldn’t mind reversing the charges.

Worst of all I had to spend my (employer’s) own money to find out what the blazes they wanted.

It turns out this was not the end of my telephonic troubles. Tonight I got a missed call from 01442 749927. This looked normal. It could be someone returning my call about a story. I called and a recording told me they were connecting me. Then I waited. And waited. Eventually I realised I was being charged for this call. I was paying to listen to a dial tone until they were ready to try to sell me something. A quick trip back to whocallsme.com told me it was a company called Mobiles 4 Free which was targeting o2 customers and trying to get me to sign up to a new deal.

I apologise for the lack of my usual wit, or half of it, and I am truly sorry that I haven’t made a single reference to Doctor Who this time. But I think you need to know about this. Some oily tick has my mobile number and is selling it to even oilier ticks who want to ring me up at any time of the day or night and try to convince to buy their tat.

In the old days, before mobiles, people used to knock the door or ring your landline and you had the pleasure of slamming the door or banging down the receiver. Now though, even when you are out and about, enjoying a walk, down the pub or at the football, they can get you. Worst of all, they don’t even care whether you answer because they’re ringing 20 people at once. There’s plenty more where you came from.