Do we put too much pressure on our children? writes blogger Charlie Cashdan.

Are we all too obsessed with exam results, constant testing and making them just learn the things they need to pass the endless round of exams and boost the school up the league tables at the expense of creativity, life skills, being nice people and childhood itself?

The term ‘helicopter parent’ has been mentioned in the news recently to refer to parents who hover over their children constantly pushing and doing all they can to ensure they achieve academic and professional success.

I have really mixed feelings about this.

Part of me thinks it’s completely understandable that a parent would want the very best for their child and do everything possible to achieve this.

But then part of me thinks this is just going too far, putting too much pressure on them and not considering what sort of a person they will become as a result.

Do these pushed children with over-zealous parents also realise how lucky they are to have all these chances created for them and understand that not all kids have the same opportunities?

I’ve got two step sons, both under thirteen, who I love very much and am really proud of in the usual way that parents are.

They are very bright, well spoken, extremely well educated at grammar school, polite and confident individuals well on course for a fantastic successful future life.

But sometimes I worry what they will think of people they encounter in later life, in the workplace for example, who don’t have these attributes perhaps simply because they didn’t have the same opportunities as themselves.

To my boys, someone who went to a comprehensive school is someone not clever enough to pass the eleven plus and get into a grammar, and a person without a degree is a bit of a mystery as they are already aspiring to go to Oxford or Cambridge.

I worry that they don’t understand that it’s doesn’t matter how clever you are, in this area (they live with their mom in Lincolnshire) you can’t go to grammar unless your parents can afford to send you and if you are born into a home in the heart of the Black Country growing up around local accents with parents who possibly didn’t go to university, life would be very different.

My boys have helicopter parents, mom and dad are both extremely well-educated professionals able to pay for them to have private tutoring to pass the eleven plus and get into the grammar school, provide endless reading books and learning materials and pass on that culture of speaking received pronunciation, being so articulate and confident that you always know how to behave and what to say in any social situation.

I like to think I’m a good influence on the children because step mom Charlie brings a different perspective into the mix.

I’m quite well educated, but attended a local comp (lots of tales about that for a future blog!) and a local university, I still have my Wolverhampton accent, can’t spell, certainly can’t do maths but have worked my way up from working days and nights in a pub for minimum wage, retail work, cleaning, sales and temping to being a director of a successful recruitment company which is more as a result of being canny, entrepreneurial, very hard working and having an old fashioned work ethic rather than any true conventional academic abilities.

I’m rubbish at Millionaire and can’t even beat the contestants on Junior Mastermind!!

I’m a really good contrast to the boy’s parents and grandparents because I’ve got a mixed class background – grew up in lovely house in desirable rural village but with self-made parents from very traditional working class Black Country backgrounds.

I have tried to teach the children that there is no shame in hard work, they know I worked days and nights to pay my bills and that I have become successful without loosing my accent, going to grammar and a top university.

They know my father is a talented engineer who had his own company until he retired but were shocked and fascinated to learn he had never been to university and worked his way up from factory floor apprentice in the industry he grew up around in Quarry Bank, Cradley.

They were also shocked that my maternal grandparents from Bilston both worked in factories all their lives, my Nan couldn’t read or write and never went to school because my Great Nan needed her at home to help with thirteen siblings, multiple births, still births and miscarriages.

I have taken them to the Black Country Museum and shown them the sort of house my mom grew up in with a shared outside toilet in the yard, shared washhouse and table legs wrapped in newspaper.

We saw the chain maker’s workshop like where my paternal grandfather would have worked as a well-known engineer and chain maker in Cradley.

I took them to Blist’s Hill museum and showed them the men sweating and grafting at the foundry furnaces just like my other Granddad did at Thompson’s in Bilston.

These things were simply unheard of in the boy’s world until they met me as both their parents and grandparents are all successful, well spoken, well travelled and university educated.

Until they met me this was their only understanding of success and everyone they mixed with was of a similar background to their own.

Though me and learning about my family they have gained a more rounded view of the world, which will hopefully, make them more respectful and considerate adults.

I’m trying to teach them that life isn’t just about exam results, academic success and being the best at everything, it’s about what sort of person you are, working really hard, making mistakes and learning from them.

Schools and helicopter parents are at risk of loosing sight of this, all the focus is on success.

The boys do endless exams and the eldest is now in an accelerated learning class to push him even further.

There is so much emphasis on spelling, but not how to use the words creatively or what they mean, so much emphasis on maths but not practical things like fianace, budgeting, business accounts and things that actually apply to the world of work ahead of them.

Through me they have learnt that people all have different strengths and qualities, one set of abilities isn’t better than another.

They are great kids who have really taken all this in and love to hear stories of my parents Black Country past and have come to really respect my skills; art, creativity, entrepreneurial, sales person, hard worker – even though they differ so much from what is drummed into them at school.

Perhaps helicopter parents should take note and realise that sometimes it’s good for kids to fight for something they want for themselves, take personal responsibility and understand the value of all skills and abilities.

It’s OK to fail sometimes, to be ordinary just for once because it’s often out of the ordinary and having to strive against the odds that extraordinary things happen.

Agree with Charlie? Post your comments below.