Occasionally certain issues need no discussion, writes Andy Toft.

Case in point, the latest demonstration of racism by fans at Rangers’ Champions League qualifier in Montenegro this week.

Now without qualification racism of any sort, in any environment, under any circumstances is just plain wrong – end of debate.

I have no desire to examine potential reasons for its sporadic reappearance at certain football matches because there are no legitimate ones – beyond the fact that its practitioners are an intellectually defunct breed of knuckle-scraping sub-humans who provide an open and shut case for state-sponsored euthanasia.

Don’t trot out any nonsense about socio-political/economic factors or cultural differences between certain societies.

Shouting abuse at someone because of the colour of their skin is inexplicable and inexcusable.

And so I had to feel for Five Live’s Peter Allen yesterday afternoon when he was required to interview one of the station’s football correspondents about the ugly events at the Rangers game.

I should say here and now I’m a massive fan of the Drive presenter, unquestionably one of the nation’s best broadcasters.

But even his journalistic powers were over-stretched by the demands of fashioning a discussion around the issue of racism in football grounds – about as thankless an issue to discuss as The Great Plague – Good or Bad? or Jack the Ripper – was he just having a bit of a laugh?

Fumbling around for a line of discussion, Allen quite correctly pointed out that the uniquely charged atmosphere of a football match can turn even the most timid soul into a raging nutter for 90 minutes – true, but still no reason for shouting racist abuse.

He then ventured that some people “liked to let their hair down” at the football.

As someone whose hair quite often travels in a southerly direction (literally and figuratively speaking), I would again venture that this is quite correct.

But there’s a big difference between joining in a chorus of Ring of Fire and hurling racial obscenities at the opposition’s striker.

The fact is that racism inside football grounds requires absolutely no discussion – just action from the authorities, which sadly, where UEFA is concerned, is consistently toothless (eg. the laughable fine slapped on the Spanish FA after England’s black players were subjected to racist abuse during an international friendly).

Still, going back to the Five Live debate, Allen was back on form moments after the football chat had driven into its inevitable cul-de-sac.

Discussing Britain’s rat problem with an infestation expert he recalled his days as a local newspaper reporter when there would be occasional tales about rodents the size of cat being spotted in the area.
Allen poo-pooed these articles as a product of the silly season – a period during summer when news stories are notoriously hard to find, meaning those of a faintly ridiculous hue are given more credence than they deserve.

He then asked the expert what was the biggest rat he’d ever seen.

“It measured 15 inches in length – not counting the tail,” he answered.

“That’s as a big as a cat,” replied Allen with an audible crackle of excitement.

Now that really is a topic worthy of discussion.