Express & Star

Carl Jones: Humiliation is the only variety we switch on for

The quality of entertainment on offer at this year's Royal Variety Performance got people very hot under the collar – and I think I've finally worked out why.

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I'm not talking about the snooker loopy decision to give those musical giants with more rabbit than Sainsbury's, Chas 'n' Dave, the prestigious job of topping the glittering bill . . . cingeworthy as it was.

No, no, I've come to the conclusion that the issue is far more fundamental than that.

The idea of seeing famous folk simply turning up and showing us what they're supposed to be good at, and have made a living by doing for many a moon, simply isn't deemed family-friendly fun anymore.

We've graduated to a far meaner level. The 21st century viewer prefers to launch these people out of their comfort zones, strip them back until they become gibbering emotional wrecks, and then laugh royally at their variety of misfortunes.

A rather different type of royal variety, if you will. No pain, no gain. That seems to have become the modern mantra.

And with the I'm A Celebrity formula as appealing as ever, and Celebrity Big Brother having enjoyed something of a resurgence in the ratings this year, we clearly still can't get enough of popular people in mild prime-time peril.

So, thank goodness for the Winter Olympics, an event which we Brits are not only generally useless at (apologies to that tea tray woman who went down the course quite quickly last time and won some important golden thingy), but which throws up all manner of obscure pursuits that only ever get a TV airing once every four years.

They can be quite dangerous in the hands of competitors who don't have a clue what they're doing – and the dangling of this topical carrot has, naturally, proved too juicy for the networks to resist.

Just take a look at the formula for Channel 4's new year offering The Jump. As car crash telly goes, it's got the potential to degenerate into an absolute stock-car smash-up.

Olympic legend Sir Steve Redgrave will chuck himself off a ski jump in the name of entertainment, live on TV, joined on the slippery slope by the likes of 'it girl' Tara Palmer-Tomkinson, Towie's Amy Childs, pop star Sinitta, ex-Pussycat Doll Kimberly Wyatt, and presenters Anthea Turner and Melinda Messenger.

They'll also be competing in sports such as bobsleigh, skeleton, speed-skating, slalom skiing and cross-country skiing, under the watchful eye of coaches including Eddie 'The Eagle' Edwards.

Now there's a man who knows a thing or two out about gaining notoriety for being rubbish at something. It wasn't until he took part in Tom Daley's ludicrous ITV diving show Splash! (and yes, I'm afraid that's coming back too), that he finally became a winner.

I know I'm going to tune in to The Jump, for no other reason than to see with my own eyes whether the pot of cash offered to the celebs is worth the humiliation.

Given the insatiable appetite for such shows, it's a constant state of astonishment to me that the staple diet of Thursday night TV back in the 1970s and early 1980s, Superstars, has failed to recapture our imagination again.

Snooker players riding bikes, rugby stars trying to kick a spherical ball, and motor racing drivers being asked to don spikes and run the 100 metres – it doesn't get more fish out of water than that.

Maybe, though, the show just took itself too seriously, when we're all in need of a cheap laugh.

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