Express & Star

From size 16 to Ironman: Life, love, wine, weight, triathlon and turning 40

Helen Barklam tells the story of her midlife crisis in a four part blog series on life, love, wine, being overweight and... entering Ironman.

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Helen Barklam was a high-flying PR and marketing director who left the corporate world to pursue her dream of running her own nutrition business. She had a good, stable life, a long term relationship and what looked like a fantastic future. As the big 40 approached, things started to fall apart. Helen is telling the story of her midlife crisis in a four part blog series on life, love, wine, being overweight and... entering Ironman.

I started working on this newspaper when I was just 18 years old, as a junior reporter. It was before the internet and we had no idea what on earth a blog was. Some of the best years of my life were spent covering news and sport in Birmingham, Sandwell and Wolverhampton for the newspaper I had grown up with. It seems like yesterday. Unfortunately it was not yesterday. I turned 40 this year and here I am making a brief comeback more than 20 years later to tell you about my mid-life crisis.

I had real issues with turning 40. It felt like the beginning of the end. I know that sounds dramatic, but it was hard knowing I had probably hit the halfway point in my life. I had always envisaged that by the time I was 40 I would be married with kids and settled in middle class suburbia – fit, healthy and content.

  • Click here to read part two

  • Click here to read part three

Well, that couldn't be further from reality and the 40 'label' just added to my issues of not achieving my life plan.

A nasty relationship break up about three years ago left me financially and mentally devastated. I stopped exercising; I turned to wine and comfort food, and over a period of time I piled the weight on. After months in denial of my situation, I hit rock bottom, but very few people knew. I suffered largely in silence apart from a few close friends.

I was just about fitting in size 16 clothes and I was tipping the scales at about 15 stone. I was broke. My business was a joke – I was a nutritionist who couldn't control her own weight. I had no confidence, because I could hardly advise people on nutrition or sports nutrition looking like I did. So I drank more wine and ate more comfort food.

At the beginning of 2014 I decided to make a change. New Year's resolutions are always good for that, aren't they? I started exercising again and got my eating back on track. I had to start walking the talk for the sake of my business. I lost some weight, but I was still far from healthy. I was back with the triathlon club where I was living up north, and set myself some ambitious goals, including entering various sporting events. Unfortunately, I got injured in training and that provided the perfect excuse to jack it in. I could have easily come back from the injury, but my head wasn't in it because I'd met someone new and became distracted.

Unfortunately he wasn't good for me – for many reasons it turns out. I had avoided men for around 18 months, but in April I succumbed to a very persuasive man. I wasn't sure about him. There was something about him that just wasn't quite right, but I couldn't put my finger on it and in my vulnerable state I was wooed into his web. Six months later and another stone piled on – he liked feeding me because he liked his women big and beautiful apparently (I still can't believe I fell for that) I found out that I had been caught in his tangled web, along with two other women he had been dating – one he had asked to marry. I always thought I was a good judge of character and that I would never be duped by a man. I couldn't have been more wrong. When it all fell apart I found myself spiralling out of control again with the eating and drinking. I went into January 2015 gutted that I was no further forward than I had been the previous year. I made some changes that helped, but I never really got back into the exercise and healthy eating. As a result, my business did not really move forward, my confidence remained pretty low and I was still not in a healthy and happy place.

The end of 2015 approached, and another relationship collapsed. I was so close to entering into that desperate spiral again. It was only the support of close friends that stopped me. Things had to change and it was only me who could change them. It was time to take charge. 2016 was going to be MY year. I had to prove that at 40 I could completely transform myself and make a difference. It had to be the start of the rest of my life.

Helen says being aged 40 now feels amazing

In January, I set myself some pretty big goals for the year – for my business, for my health and fitness, and with the aim of giving something back to society. I set to work on myself first. I had been introduced to the law of attraction, the power of positivity and the influence of mindset. I embraced this and changing the way I was thinking and the way I talked helped me with my self-belief and confidence. It sounds like mumbo jumbo to many, but I know that there are also a great many who have changed their lives this way. I might touch on this some more in another blog post.

Then, the real mid-life crisis action kicked in - I entered Ironman Copenhagen. What is Ironman? Well, let me try to say it without feeling physically sick – a 2.4 mile swim, 112 mile bike ride and a marathon. A very long triathlon all on the same day. Yes! That is what I decided was going to get me through turning 40. That's what was going to get me fit and feeling good about myself again. It is pretty crazy. But, I knew that if I didn't set myself a big enough goal, 2016 had the potential to just pass me by. If I couldn't prove to myself that I could achieve big in this year, then it was never going to happen. I knew this was a huge turning point in my life.

In January, I got my sister to take some pictures of me in my bra and knickers. I was repulsed at the sight of them. That spurred me on. I will reveal them just before I head to Copenhagen with the eight months on pictures. I will be completely out of my comfort zone, but if it inspires just one person out there to make a change, then it will be worth it.

I have been training between eight and 14 hours a week since January. I am fitter and slimmer now than I have been for years. Why on earth did I choose triathlon when I was three stone overweight? I have been sporty all my life and it is the one sport I've come across that is extremely welcoming to people of all ages, shapes, sizes and abilities. The range of people involved in our club is so diverse. It's wonderful to see.

I donned my lycra and I got out there on the bike; I powered the streets with my wobbly bits bouncing around and I put my swim costume on and took the plunge. I was never made to feel uncomfortable.

With the training, healthy eating and some specially selected supplements, I have transformed my look and my health and fitness. I still have a way to go, but that's fine. My confidence has rocketed. I have made some amazing new friends at Stafford Triathlon Club, which has given me a new lease of life. My business has turned a corner and I am now feeling confident to get out there and share my knowledge and expertise with people who need it. I specialise in sports nutrition and I have been making a difference to the lives of others by sharing that knowledge and expertise, which has just been sitting dormant for all this time.

I wanted to share some of this story, because if I can do it then anyone can do it. I have never been more grateful that I decided to make a change in January. 40 feels pretty amazing so far. 22 days and counting until Ironman...

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