No need to be lonely this Christmas

For a loved-up couple, Christmas is one of the most wonderful times of the year. But for a lonely heart, all the festive romance can be as hard to stomach as the box of liqueurs you polished off after a three-course Christmas dinner.

India: Go to singles events, speed dating events and use online dating and dating apps. Look in your network, work and place of worship; they're all great places to meet singles. Meet ups specially designed for singles are also good. If you have a particular faith or orientation there are events for you too. Bars, restaurants and night clubs generally aren't great mainly because you don't know who is single. I have clients who socialise a lot but rarely meet quality singles and it's because they need to focus more and attend parties specially hosted for singletons. Dating is a little like looking for a job. Use all the channels available to you but focus on the channels with a higher return on investment, so to speak.

Weekend: What you should wear and how should you conduct yourself?

India: Girls should dress for men. I teach girls to dress in bright colours that flatter their figures, no oversized dresses, onesies or trainer type stuff. Good grooming is so essential because men are so visual. Nails, heels, hair and make up are all important. When dressing for a date I mean dress classy and not trashy, don't turn up to your date in a see-through top or with your underwear showing. Good grooming shows men you care about yourself which means you'll care about him too. Wear dresses, skirts, tops with a scoop neck; flatter your best parts. Wear make up, heels and jewellery.

Weekend: Is there anything specific you should be doing or not doing when it comes to 'chatting someone up'?

India: Women should never, ever chat up a man first. Never. The best way a man can chat up a women is to say 'hello'. It works and yes, it's that simple.

Weekend:What's the best way to approach someone if you like them?

India: This all depends on how you meet. If it's online, we wait for the man to contact us first, if via mobile apps they have to 'match'. If you meet face to face or at a singles events, again wait for the man to approach you. Girls can help men. We're not passive, we're active. Attend events, just don't talk to men first, but dress up and go! Girls shouldn't attend parties in large groups, either go solo or with one wing-woman. Again, dress well and don't stay in one place, keep walking the room.

Weekend: Tell us some absolute no-nos?

India: Never talk to the man first. Never meet a guy half way, if he's not interested in coming to you, he's not into you. Don't ever call or text a man first. You shouldn't have to call or text a man to remind him that you exist. If he's not contacting you and trying to take you out, he's not into you. Never go Dutch on the date if he asks you pay. Men who want to date you don't ask you to split the bill.

Weekend: Are there any top tips to attract someone of the opposite sex?

India: Yes lots and lots. For girls, there's a whole book called The Rules for Dating and for men it's easy, all they have to do to talk to us! Is this unfair on men? No. Men and women are wired differently, they love a challenge and a chase, I teach girls to be easy to be with yet hard to get.

Weekend: So, when you've attracted their attention how should you act or not act?

India: I teach girls to follow the man's lead. If you've only just met, don't spend the whole night talking to the same guy. If he wants to see you again, he can ask for a date. Don't have text-fests and don't respond to texts in nano seconds. Have a life, don't let the man think you have nothing else going on and don't make the man your all and everything. Wait to see what action the man takes and follow his lead. If he calls, take the call, we don't play games but end the call first. If he texts about date plans you can respond.

You can ignore any 'hey beautiful I dreamt about you last night' type texts. Don't worry, the interested men don't give up so soon especially when they've met their dream girl. Men will move mountains to be with you providing you're his dream girl. Do not accept booty calls! In fact get yourself a dating phone (a cheap pay as you go handset and SIM) which you only use for dating. Safety first! Be smart and savvy and don't take risks.

Weekend: What should you definitely avoid on a first date?

India: Sex! No more than casual kissing on a first date. Avoid getting drunk and talking about the ex or how many people you've slept with. Don't over share in any way! Don't treat dating like therapy and don't take your friends along. Don't take your dog along either; leave the pets and the drama at home.

Weekend: Where's a good place for a first date?

As the number of windows left to open on our advent calendar get fewer, so too do the opportunities to nab yourself a Yuletide date.

So we've called in the experts.

India Kang is a 41-year-old relationship coach and matchmaker from Pensnett. Now living in London, the happily married love expert has been helping people all over the world to find their perfect mate for five years.

Her secret? A set of principles which 'allow you to date with respect and dignity'. In short, The Rules.

The Rules began as a book, written by American authors Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider to help women with their dating woes. But for relationship experts like India, The Rules are more than just words on a page.

In the authors' own words: "Want to know the secrets for dating? Want the formula for being desirable and mysterious in text messages, on Facebook and via Skype? Unsure why guys aren't asking you out? Tired of booty calls and casual relationships that go nowhere? Sick of being single? Then you need The Rules."

India is a 'Rules girl' herself. She tells us: "When I turned 37 and was still single I thought I'd better do something about it. I was in Covent Garden and came across the original rules book.

"When I looked at it, I thought it was crazy. I decided I'd just try it out and blog about my findings."

The Rules is a set of 35 dos and don'ts to live by, to help women in their quest to find the love of their life and maintain a healthy and committed relationship. Now married, India puts her relationship success down to The Rules, something which took her by surprise.

She says: "I tested out The Rules and they really worked. I previously worked in marketing so naturally test and learn from things, so I was in that mindset when I tried it out. I even broke some on purpose to see what would happen.

"It's counter-intuitive to what we learn as women really, and some girls think they're crazy. But you can't help everyone; you have to be open minded with it."

The Rules include never chasing a man, never texting or calling first and never approaching one in a bar or club. India continues: "When I started following The Rules I went for brunch with some intelligent girlfriends and they were all attacking me, saying I was a gold digger. One of The Rules is to learn to graciously receive gifts, and not go Dutch on the bill or buy gifts back.

"Men and women are wired differently, chemically. Following The Rules isn't about pretending to be someone you're not. Cave men used to go out and hunt and gather wild boar and things! Men want to provide and women should let them.

"One of the girls that criticised The Rules is now engaged. I could have saved her years!"

Most people that turn to The Rules are women who have been struggling with bad relationships.

India says: "There's no point in wasting time with people who don't want to know. Most people come to me when they've been in bad relationships and want to change, when they're at rock bottom.

"I tell girls to stop crying and give them the tools to take the power back. You can hear it in their voices when they've taken control of things. We are a global community – a sisterhood, and it's great to be on the phone to someone and hear that shift in their voice."

So if you're single this Christmas, India has some tips on how to find Mr Right and keep him.