A whistle or wink won’t win you any hearts, guys

I think it’s time we talked about wolf whistles.You can add winks, beeping car horns and cries of “Alright, darlin’” to the list too.

It’s time to stop. It’s just too naff to continue, a bit like Eldorado or One True Voice.

It is 2014, an appreciative honk of the horn has no place in modern society. You guys know about Tinder, right? It’s essentially the same thing, except you’ll save on petrol money.

Elizabeth Joyce byline

I fail to see what either party gets from the ol’ whistle/wink/beep.You blokes end up looking like something from a 1970s sitcom and us girls end up, especially in the case of the surprise horn blast, scared out of our skin. I once dropped my Starbucks after a particularly startling drive-by honking. Not my finest hour. Still, it gave them a good laugh, and gave birth to the phrase drive-by honking, so not all bad.

It’s long been the argument, but just what do you expect to happen? A wave? A snog? A naked cuddle? Everlasting love?

Well, I hate to break it to you, but unless you’re Idris Elba, that’s just not going to happen.

Rolling down a car window and screaming the word “FIIIIIIIIIT!” at a passing girl is not the behaviour of a gentleman – it is the behaviour of a man whose name belongs on some sort of list.

Now, I feel at this point I should issue a disclaimer: in no way do I consider myself a beauty of Cara or Kate proportions, I’m just an average girl. And that’s the truly baffling thing: you guys, sorry, scratch that, some of you guys will holler and hoot over anything.

In fact, it seems to be when us girls are looking our absolute worst that we get the most obvious, OTT reactions. It’s rare that you get a whistle or a wink when you’re in your smart M&S work trousers or that nice sweater you got in the sale at French Connection. It’s almost as if the rougher the outfit, the more Daily Star the attention. That probably explains why I, while wearing an ensemble best described as ‘hoodie chic’ t’other day, got a bit of fuss from the lads smoking weed outside the Job Centre. Either that or they were just completely baked out of their minds. Hmm, on second thought it’s probably the latter. Bad example.

But still, the point remains: the whole thing is pointless and embarrassing for all concerned.

To the chaps who do this sort of thing – and this may come as a surprise to you – we don’t actually care about your opinion/assessment of us. Our appearance is no business of yours. Keep your feelings to yourself, especially if your feelings essentially boil down to “nice arse”.

And what’s more, it has never, ever, in the history of the world, resulted in a hook-up. So as well as acting like a bit of an oaf, you’re wasting your time too.

You’d be better off channelling your energy into something worthwhile. You know, something bonkers like being polite or charming. You never know, that might just work a bit better than shouting “Oi Oi Savaloy” out of a car window.