The best of this week’s Peter Rhodes column from the Express & Star.

I WONDERED a few days ago what was the correct term for a collection of members of the House of Lords. A reader suggests an incontinence of peers.

MANY thanks for your letters and emails about the Christian name Torin which turns out not to be as rare as I supposed. Special thanks to the lady who seemed to recall that in pre-decimal currency a Torin was equal to two Bobs which is a very common name. The way some of your minds work . . .

NO-ONE can accuse Muslims Against Crusades of keeping their agenda secret. The group which threatened to disrupt the Royal Wedding, and then had second thoughts, devotes part of its website to frequently asked questions, including the obvious: “If you hate this country so much, why don’t you get out?”

The answer from Muslims Against Crusades includes the following: “We are also working to transform Britain into a flourishing Islamic State and we urge anyone who does not like this to leave.”

Sooner or later, some of us – or some of them – will have to book the flight.

HE’S hardly a pin-up, is he? So what first attracted the secret mistress to £600,000-a-year BBC political guru Andrew Marr? Meanwhile, that great national treasure UK4Net News, the website where the translating is done by computers, offers its own distinctive take on the Andrew Marr super-injunction story:

At a time he believed he had fathered a child with a woman, though after found out by a DNA exam this was not a case. He said: ‘Am we broke by it? Yes. Am we nervous about it? Yes.’ Outgoing Chairman of a BBC Trust, Sir Michael Lyons, said: ‘This has clearly been a plea for him and we consider that is because he has oral out about it’

Couldn’t be clearer.

THEY had six weeks to reserve their 2012 Olympics tickets. But thousands of dumb clucks left it until the last couple of hours and are now whingeing that the Games website crashed and they didn’t get their allocation. It is bad enough that this outrageous £10,000 million bung to organised sport is coming out of the public purse. To discover that some of the beneficiaries are too thick even to make their own arrangements adds insult to injury. If they can’t organise their tickets, what are the chances of them ever finding their way to the Games?

AS the royal honeymoon begins, I would like to offer some wise words on the subject of marriage but there is only one word that really matters – luck. You are lucky to marry someone you love. Given that we all grow and change, you are doubly lucky if 20 or 30 years down the road, you still happen to be in love with the same person. It is mainly luck that steers you around financial disasters and it is blessed luck that saves you from the marriage-wrecking stress of serious illness, bonkers neighbours or kids who turn out bad. Show me a Golden Wedding couple and, by and large, I’ll show you a lucky couple.

OF COURSE, those whose relationships crumble have the comfort of that smugly self-satisfied line from a female columnist 20-odd years ago: “Monogamy is very difficult for interesting people.” In other words the long-term married are plain dull.

I was pleased to discover on the internet yesterday that someone has re-written it as: “Monogamy is usually very difficult for very slutty people.”

And you can’t argue with that.

A READER suggests: “Seeing as the Yanks are sending drones to Libya, should we send Gordon Brown?”

MEANWHILE, back in the 15th century, the Vatican has announced that a vial of blood taken from Pope John Paul II during his last hospital stay was “a relic for veneration” at his beatification. I wonder how many of the 900 Anglicans who converted to Rome at Easter are having just the tiniest twinges of regret.

THE new production of Macbeth at Stratford-upon-Avon is a fine example of colour-blind casting. It may be set in a mediaeval Scottish court but Donaldbain is played by Nikesh Patel and Banquo by Steve Toussant in full rasta dreadlocks. Three of the 12 child actors are black or Asian. The RSC actively seeks out ethnic-minority talent. But here’s the rub. This multi-cultural production was watched by a capacity audience of more than 1,000 people and I didn’t see a single black or brown face among them. They say life imitates art. But sometimes life is a long, long way behind.

INEVITABLY, William and Kate lookalikes are doing brisk business. But, while there are plenty of Kate doubles, there is a national shortage of tall, thinning blokes who resemble Prince William. One explanation, expounded on Radio 5 Live, is that members of races living on islands, such as the Brits, tend to look alike. Kate is a typical English Home Counties girl and easily matched. But William is an exotic blend of English, German, Greek and Danish blood which produces a rarer face.

WHAT if Ed Miliband has the nose operation and still sounds boring?