expressandstar.com

Does feminism die out with the closing of your twentieth decade or is it just media pressure that makes me feel guilty about not being a domestic goddess? writes Charlie Cashdan.

I’ve worked full time since I left university at 21 and my neglect of household duties has never worried me until my 30th year.

I keep a tidy, clean house and share domestic tasks with my husband but suddenly I am longing to bake cakes, cook him a meal for when he gets home, iron his shirts and feather our nest with tasteful soft furnishings!

I yearn for a more home-centred life and feel so guilty that my husband cooks his own meals, washes and irons all our clothes and changes the bed every week. He doesn’t mind at all and we need both our full-time wages to survive, so my guilt is a bit irrational but ever present all the same.

Christmas made things worse. There was Nigella in her perfect house looking ravishing and making everything from Christmas pudding to the marinade for the left-over turkey meat. Even Anthea Turner appeared on BBC Breakfast showing us how to wrap the Christmas presents with hand-made paper! Countless magazines were full of recipes and tips on how to dress the home for Christmas and buy the perfect gifts.

I just felt completely inadequate because my work was so busy in December, it was all I did. It took over my life, as usual; I even got work calls on Christmas Day! By Boxing Day I was in tears trying to replace sick staff and pacify irate clients.

My husband got the Christmas tree, did all the Christmas shopping, wrapped all the presents, did the food shop and cooked Christmas lunch. I didn’t contribute a single thing in December except doing the cleaning and my wage!

As I’m not planning to have children, I am faced with working full-time until I am 65 without ever having a break unless I can morph into an entrepreneur worthy of Dragon’s Den and set up a business which gives me at least the same wage for fewer hours.

My home-centred life remains a pipe dream because it’s work that pays for the home in the first place. But I need a break, I need to bake fairy cakes and make flower displays for the dining table!

I want my husband to come home to an immaculate house, immaculate wife, neatly ironed work shirts hanging in the wardrobe and a fantastic meal on the table. In reality, he gets home from work first because he starts very early in the morning and uses the two or three hours spent waiting for me to get home, to cook, wash, iron and tidy up before his stressed, slightly over-weight wife (from all that comfort eating in December) bustles through the door with smeared make-up which has been on her face since 6am!

What is happening to me!! Surely I want to be an independent career woman with a life outside the home able to make conversations about things beyond soft furnishings and baking? Well, yes of course, but I think I just need a break from work or a better home-work balance. If only you could have maternity leave without a baby!

And yes I know you men also have to work until retirement without a break, but no one expects you to be rich and successful whilst looking hot in skinny jeans and baking the perfect sponge!