Dilemma for working mums

Are women of my generation genuinely unable to give up work for their children or were my mother’s generation just more willing to make sacrifices? asks blogger Charlie Cashdan.

A report on the news claimed that only one in three women now give up work to be stay-at-home moms, a sharp decrease on figures for previous years. Being able to stay home with your children is now described as a luxury most women simply can’t afford.

It’s one of my mother’s favourite soapbox topics; she loves to have a good old moan about working moms dropping their children off at 8am outside the local village school, which now runs a full time nursery, and not getting them back until 6pm.

It’s a great opportunity for her to remind me of all the sacrifices she made when she gave up work to stay at home with me; giving up a good job as a typing supervisor to be a domestic cleaner (so that she could take me with her), wearing charity shop clothes and cutting her own hair, running out of food at the end of the week and “Making do”.

But what my mother doesn’t understand bless her, is that it’s a completely different world today.

My parents were able to buy a lovely big four-bedroom house with a large garden on just two times my dad’s salary because houses were so much cheaper relative to incomes.

Also, mortgages were normally only based on the man’s wage. Therefore, my Dad was able to pay all the bills and mom giving up work did not mean we couldn’t pay the mortgage or would loose our home.

Though our current mortgage on our little two-bedroom house is in my husband’s name, we are moving and the new mortgage will be based on our full household income. That’s just for a relatively small three-bedroom house (I have two step-kids who need a bedroom each) and we will need every penny of my wage to meet the monthly payments and survive. If we had a child and I gave up work, we wouldn’t just be going without luxuries; we could lose our home and become riddled with debts just to pay the bills. It would be impossible to down size with three children!

I understand my mother’s point of view and will always be grateful for the sacrifices she made.

My dad resented having to pay all the bills on his own and was ashamed that his wife became a domestic help and never had a career, this caused a rift between them that still exists thirty years on, but if she could turn back time my mom would still put me first despite all the problems.

I loved having my mom at home; it was wonderful and shaped many of the traits that make me who I am today.

I have all these fantastic memories of summer picnics in the garden, hours playing together in the paddling pool and endless hours of colouring, drawing, dressing up and fun.

But sadly, if I have a child I will not be able to offer it the same, even though my husband earns far more than my father ever did, because crazy house prices and the increased cost of living would cripple us without my full time wage. And I’m in this situation at thirty! No wonder women are delaying having children until much later in life!

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